The Sacred, Beautiful Share

We've all been given this superhero power.  The ability to weave and post and share an unrealistic portrait of our lives via captioned photos and witty updates.  I am always put together, my house is always clean, I am usually on vacation or eating fancy food off a fancy plate and my kids love each other and never cry when it's time to put on their shoes or their underwear.

I don't know if it is a phenomena of the stay-at-home-mom, the perpetually social-media-connected, comparing-my-life-to-the-one-she-posted-mom, but I have a hunch this is more far reaching.  There is more than enough negativity being shared and re-shared, regarding this apparent trend of false self-advertising and a call for more transparent social media sharing (that or none at all).  I happen to fall on the other end of the spectrum.

I share for the grandparents and those who are invested in my days and the days of my rapidly growing children. I share photos because I enjoy the art of it.

But mostly, I share for myself.  I am detail oriented; I do checklists and data and duties and expectations.  I don't share the best moments of our days in order to give the impression of perfection, I share the best moments because these are the ones I want to remember.  Who wants to see fourteen photos a day of my kids crying?

Oh, this was when I said he couldn't drink the toilet water.  This was when I said no to taco meat for breakfast.  This was when I cut up the pancake instead of leaving it whole.  This was when I left the other pancake whole but it was too hot.  This was when I cleaned up the puzzle pieces in the wrong order.

Trust me, those are all very real and happen every day.  Every mom knows or should know that the day to day, moment to moment is not particularly beautiful and mine is no different.  That is why I covet those photos where I'm able to capture the beauty that happens for three seconds between the tantrum and the pee on the floor.  There is something therapeutic about stilling a fleeting blur of a moment and being able to look back on it before I go to sleep and remember, ah yes, I do love my life and thank you Jesus.

If I'm not in the picture, my hair is probably a mess.  If you haven't seen a photo of it it's probably unfinished or not even started or covered in laundry.  Just like yours.  Or my kids are watching television for four hours while I finish the project I do snap a photo of.  If I'm not sharing a photo of my lunch it's probably because I'm eating Ava's grilled cheese crusts, a squishy avocado and twelve hershey kisses.

It's not always pretty.  It's usually not pretty.  But I choose to capture and share the moments that matter to me, that tell the broader story of our family and that remind me of how much I have to be thankful for. In the words of Ann Voskamp, isn't this what this is? "Opening the hand to receive the moments? Trusting what is received to be grace. Taking it as bread." Nourishment.

My house is tidy once a day and clean once a week if I'm on top of things. I own ten pilly target tshirt and two pairs of shorts that fit me (spoiler alert: you won't see a trend-setting selfie in my feed). My kids are not always loving on or even liking-nearby each other, but it means something to me to capture when they are.  My life is not magical or exciting or exceptional but I want to raise thanks and remember what makes it worth something. Remember with a thankful heart the moments that ultimately reflect the beauty that is Christ's love being lavished on me in jellied kid smiles and muddy handed hugs and the blooming flowers in my entryway.

I share to document the incalculable riches that visit me so briefly sometimes and so deeply in others. I share to declare the glory of The Lord in all things and all my days.  Be sufficiently informed that in between the apparent instant feed of my life are plenty of non-photogenic moments--but those are easy to remember. It is much more difficult to remember and give space and reverence to the one minute in every hour where I let beauty reign over the mundane. 

Let's not compare or even give in to the lies that our media-shared lives are a comprehensive snapshot of the whole picture.  We shouldn't feel pressured to caption a special moment with, "Don't be fooled, this happened one minute before a total meltdown".  Instead, let's celebrate that "this happened" at all.  Let's celebrate each other's beautiful, inspirational, funny and real moments.  Let's venture back to the days of old, when bound albums were equally reserved for sharing the best of memories and realistic, all-encompassing investment in another's life was still earned in the sacred face-to-face.

Let it ring out in each post, a resounding hurrah for the share-worthy.

Hurrah!

Hurrah!

Hur-rah.

Two years old and Five years old!

Ok, goodness, it's been too long.  Life and the accessibility of Instagram have taken over my ability to choose the long-hand version of family historical record-keeping.  I am however, beginning to miss the gritty details of things not photogenic, so here they are!

First, the five year old.

• Since March 15th officially, though she has had the mental and emotional age of a five year old (or a thirteen year old) for much longer.
• She is evermore a fire-cracker, awesomely stubborn and sure of herself.  These traits, though they make me want to pull my own hair out, will undoubtedly be enviable one day and the beginnings of an amazing and captivating young lady.
• She is kind-hearted and able to laugh at herself.
• She's unbelievably outgoing and loves attention but is not keen on being on a stage in front of people.  She's much more comfortable off-the-cuff.
• She loves dresses and roller-skating, biking and jumping off my bed in them.
• She is still a fantastic eater though noticeably pickier in the last year.
• She has been wearing size 6 clothes for the last year and a half, though has grown around 4 inches (I think... I forget where I wrote that one down).
• Graduated her second year of preschool this month and cannot wait for full-day Kindergarten next year.
• Is starting to read, recognizes all of her sight words and can sound out many words with extreme excitement and pride.
• Is not napping anymore but could very easily.  I do my best to keep her up so that she will go to sleep with her brother at 7pm (she's a very early riser).
• Is very nurturing toward her brother and her friends.
• Is not very sensitive but is extremely perceptive about why her friends do and say what they do.
• Is a sporty girl at heart but loves coloring and drawing, making up stories, doing puzzles and acting out the whole spectrum of emotional scenarios via her dolls and stuffed animals.

And the two year old.

• He's basically the sweetest little human ever created.  No really.
• He is obsessed with music, namely CCV worship services, the music from Frozen, Praise Baby, and the occasional Chris Tomlin.
• He is in the 50th percentile for height and weight (ish) and the allergist ok'd switching from his Elecare medical formula and rice milk to only coconut milk.  We will know over time whether he is still gaining weight at a healthy rate and making up those calories elsewhere but so far he seems to be doing well.
• His diet otherwise is pretty straightforward and consists of chicken, turkey, fish, eggs, lots of fruit (except peaches), broccoli, peas, carrots, sweet potatoes, Van's brand multigrain crackers, Van's Honey Nut Crunch cereal, rice chex, rice krispies, honey rice Puffins cereal, dried fruit, and just recently yogurt made from coconut milk.
• I've been able to include small amounts of soy in his diet without any significant consequences, but he reacted adversely to the reintroduction of milk, beef and wheat a couple of months ago.  So for now we are continuing the avoidance of corn, wheat, milk, large amounts of soy, shellfish, peaches, avocado, beef and nuts.
• He has a propensity for taking his diaper off both while awake and asleep and has peed on the potty numerous times.  Potty training is slated for tomorrow if I have the guts to follow through with it!
• He still sleeps with a pacifier and his blue and white striped fleecy "blankie".
• Loves to be read to but usually will only sit for books he already knows.  His favorites are I am a Bunny, Little Quack's Opposites, Busy Little People and anything with Dora or the Frozen characters.
• If he's not watching CCV services online he is playing one of his two guitars or other instruments, or giggling at whatever crazy thing Ava is doing.
• He's taking one nap now (the sweet spot) for about an hour and a half, and sleeping at night from around 7:30pm - 6am.
• He is the opposite of his sister, a little more shy and slow to warm up to new people or places, but put him on a stage and he's in his element.
• He's not only snuggly still, he is affectionate.  Always giving out hugs and kisses just because.
• He's like a monkey on our furniture.
• He has a newfound love of coloring!
• He's just started to stand up for himself in the form of arm-crossing and some hitting and tantrums, but is still generally much easier than Ava was at this age and is much more laid back and easy-going.
• He is also obsessed with technology, especially our iPhones, iPods and iPads but he has started doing much better with the boundaries I've set with the use of these very expensive toys.
• Loves playing hide and seek and regularly goes someplace and yells, "Find me!"
• Is speaking in two word sentences or fitting three or more words together with charade-type motions to get his point across but his comprehension is excellent.  He and Ava have a fun time giggling through his vocabulary as he'll say something like, "Oh-were" (over) and Ava might say, "What? Underwear? Hahahaha..." and they both start laughing!

I'm sure I'll add more to this when I wake up tomorrow and realize the hundreds of details I've forgotten to mention.

In short these kids are precious and I'm so blessed to have them.  Their relationship has begun to take root in the last year and their personalities really do complement each other well.  Ava is the leader but Grayson isn't a pushover.  They have similar senses of humor and make each other laugh.  Grayson wants to do everything Ava is doing or saying or eating, and for now Ava loves being admired and is a gentle teacher.  They both love to rough-house and jump from furniture to pillows to cushions to furniture and enjoy sharing such an active spirit.  Overall I am realizing how much of a blessing it is that they play so well together and pray that it continues for a long long time!

Grayson: 18 months

In the wake of our personal computer meltdown, my blog presence has been minimal. Brought to you by the miracle of the iPod Touch and its anxiety provoking, itty bitty keyboard, here is a cliff notes celebration of this handsome 1 1/2 year old.

At 18 months, Grayson is:

•Saying baby, book, peekaboo, thank you, one more. He is talking a LOT more in mostly ba's bee's bo's and dee's and is increasingly frustrated by my misunderstanding.

•Wanting to wear everyone else's shoes all the time and can usually be heard clip-clopping around with one princess high heal on.

•Still transitioning from two naps down to one. Depends on the day.

•Still on a limited but extremely healthy diet, supplemented with Elecare Jr. medical formula. He just had a nutritionist appointment and they are very happy with his diet and growth.

•Weighing in at 23 lbs and some ounces--of course I didn't write it down.

•Thinks he is a big dude and loves brushing his teeth, using silverware and plates and has asked to go to the potty a few times.

He has his second EGD (G.I. scope) on Monday so hopefully that will let us know if we have effectively eliminated all of his allergies and how well his esophagus is healing. He is getting over a nasty case of thrush from his steroid inhaler but otherwise seems to be thriving and I'm anticipating good results.

I've said it before and it is only more true with each passing month: this boy is SWEET. Cuddly, happy, easy going and so good natured. He loves to look at books, press buttons, explore outside, be chased and thrown and tackled and sung to. He is irresistible and we love him more every day!

Grayson: 16-17 Months

In missing last months post, I'll do double duty this month but try to keep it as brief as possible!  Our computer also took a turn for the worse so for now I'm bound to my iPod photos of the little dude.

At 17 months Grayson:

• Is walking as of 5.31.13, now walking 100% of the time and can walk backwards, go up and down stairs and turn around without any problems.
• Got his 8th tooth on 6.5.13 and is working on #9.
• Started saying: ding dong, diaper, PJs, hello, go (as in "where'd it go?"), bye, back (as in "will you be right back?" when I leave the room or put shoes on), more and milk.
• Has been pointing with a guttural "gmm" sound, wanting to know what everything is called.
• LOVES singing and does so all day long with the sweetest little voice.
• Has started wanting to drop his AM nap on occasion but most of the time still takes both AM and PM naps for 1-2 hours.
• Loves using and eating off of a fork.
• Will now drink from a straw cup for all feedings except his bedtime bottle.
• Started smiling on cue for photos.  Be still my heart.
• Is between 12 and 18 month clothes, still wearing size 4 diapers.
• Is starting to get a little tall for his infant carseat.
• Sleeps consistently with his paci, blankie, and his left hand under his shirt and against his mouth and nose (reminiscent of his many months spent swaddled).
• Likes to throw everything in the trash.
• Loves looking at books by himself and being read to.
• Would spend all day every day outside if I let him.
• Is honestly and seriously the most affectionate, sweet and cuddly little kid I've ever met.  He is a little bundle of everything good about having children and I'm trying to soak in every minute with him at this age.

On the 23rd we had his last Modified Barium Swallow, to test for continuing dysphasia as a result of the damage to his esophagus from allergies.  I was surprised to see that he was still having significant penetration of his airway when using a bottle while sitting, but thankfully he did well swallowing the ultra-thin barium through his straw cup. The speech therapist who has been with us through this was encouraged and is allowing us to continue with unthickened liquids through a slow flow straw cup. Because of this we will begin weaning him from his nighttime bottle, something that I don't think will be difficult on nights when he is feeling well and his normal happy self.  She assured us it was most likely weak muscles that are causing the continued aspiration, not the presence of more unidentified allergies.  We won't know for sure until his next scope in September but that made me hopeful that we are on the road to strengthening those swallowing muscles and not causing any more damage!

Twice I have tried giving Grayson the new Oscar Meyer all natural, all beef hot dogs to expand my options for serving easy protein. However, both times he has developed a bad yeast rash within a few days so those are out and we can add either beef or one of the few other ingredients in those to the list of allergies.

Grayson's Nutrition Update

After our follow-up with the allergist at the end of May, he recommended that Grayson start on a medical food called Elecare Junior, to fill in the gaps in his diet due to all of his allergies.  We started with a few samples and through trial and error found that with 2 scoops of Elecare Junior in each of his four sippies of rice milk a day, he was still able to eat the solid food I put in front of him without showing signs of hunger in between meals and snacks.  I first tried switching from soy formula to almond milk but alas, he was allergic to that as well!  We were also advised to see a nutritionist once we eliminated the allergens from his diet to review what he was actually eating, make any necessary adjustments, as well as determine the amount of Elecare that was appropriate for his weight and growth.

Before 7am this morning, the kids and I packed up and trekked into the city (via Dunkin Donuts) to Phoenix Children's Hospital for an appointment with a nutritionist.  I am so grateful that PCH is such a kid-friendly place and both kids made it through the morning happily.

Our nutritionist was fantastic and gave us the first real positive feedback since all of this began.  We have been doing something right!  Hallelujah!

Here is a list of what Grayson is eating and his allergies to date:

Allergies
Corn*
Milk
Soy
Wheat
Almond (avoiding all nuts)
Avocado
Peaches
Shellfish

*This was the strongest reaction by far to the patch test, it took about 4 weeks for the scar from the reaction site to disappear.   I can only assume it would take that long for his esophagus to heal as well after eliminating these allergens.

Foods
30-40 ounces Rice Milk daily with 2 scoops of vanilla Elecare Junior in each of 4 cups/bottles

Lentils
Chicken
Eggs (cooked with coconut oil)
Salmon

Strawberries
Blueberries
Bananas
Apples
Applesauce
Grapes

Pureed veggies if mixed with fruit
Peas
Carrots

Van's Honey Nut Crunch cereal (oat, brown rice, millet, quinoa and amaranth flours)
Baby Mum-Mum Organic Rice Rusks
Raisins

With the exception of wanting us to add some more (in quantity) grains to his diet, the nutritionist was very pleased both with his diet and his weight gain.  He was right around 22 lbs and 31 inches at the visit today.  She advised us to continue with 8 scoops of Elecare Junior a day to supplement fats and nutrients that he is lacking and we will see her again in 1-2 months to monitor his growth and progress.

On the 23rd of July we have a follow-up MBS test to make sure that his dysphasia has also been eliminated but I am pretty confident it has.

We will be doing a second endoscopy in September, two full months after the elimination of all known allergens, before we attempt to add anything new into his diet.

With the addition of Prevacid and Flovent and the elimination of these known allergens,  Grayson is showing a lot of improvement, even in ways I wouldn't have expected.  After this last month of dramatically reducing his allergen intake, he has gone from refusing to preferring a straw cup over his bottle, eating more per meal and more consistent intake, no longer waking and crying at night (I assume this was because of acid reflux pain though I didn't think much of it before since he usually settled himself within a minute or two), crawling to walking literally overnight, and gaining weight at a more healthy rate.

We are SO grateful that this happy boy is feeling so much better!  Even though his diet is simple and limited at this point, it is such a relief to know he is getting what he needs and making good steady progress toward health and 'normalcy'.  Praise God!

Depression, I Will Fight You.

After a number of conversations with other new and seasoned moms, I feel compelled to share an update on my struggle with Postpartum Depression.  I don't know at what point it just becomes depression, my baby is now 16 months old, but I feel more culturally accepted when adding the Postpartum in front. Let the honesty begin.

I have been on various medications and dosages since being diagnosed almost a year ago but have yet to feel a significant level of improvement.  I feel a bit like a sponge. One that has been sitting, dry and shrunken on the side of a sink full of responsibilities. When necessary I fill myself up with enough soap and water to get everything where it needs to be and then I am squeezed, laid to rest for the night, hoping I'll wake up fuller than the day before but instead I wince at the sunlight when it dawns on me.  I may be even more tired and worn than the day before. Sucked dry.

This is depression for a mom who is blessed and plagued with intense stubbornness.  Fighting an exhausting battle with the demon who wishes to coax me face-down on the carpet in defeat before breakfast.

Some days are good, when my under-medicated brain decides to coat itself in suitable chemicals--the kinds that get you dressed and to the grocery store, or on special occasions actually let me plan ahead and do an activity with my children.  But when circumstances turn slightly south of pleasant, those chemicals apparently call in sick and the understudies major in roles like Deceitful Liar and Near-Comatose.

I am an introvert. The kind that is energized by people who know me but relishes peace and quiet from time to time.  I am not gifted with words when they are coming straight from my mouth and would rather pull my own teeth out than speak in front of a group of people. I am not gifted in evangelism. But, ironically I have never been shy of full disclosure and pray that that can be my offering today.

In as simple words as I can manage, I would not be able to do even the bare minimum on a bad day without the love, strength and freedom that comes from Jesus. I am stubborn, sure, and I fight hard to be the mom and woman I know God designed me to be, not the one I feel like being when I wake up in the morning, but I thank God every day for making me this way and giving me the motivation to fight for a better life for my family.  Knowing his love for me has already won this battle, that this life is fleeting, the precious and the destructive parts of it, and that he loves me and holds me up even on the days when my only acknowledgement of Him goes something like, "Sorry I screwed up the day you had planned"--these truths I force into the forefront to get me through the darkest days.

The days I think I was never meant to be a parent. The days I think maybe I'll just put my kids in front of the TV and drive to Starbucks.  And then maybe down to Mexico.

I don't want my kids to have to grow up with a parent suffering from depression, but they do. That part is already done and though I'm sure I will mess them up in my own unique ways, I also pray that they will see that they need Jesus, just as mommy needs Him. I pray on the days when Capable Mommy is absent that they would find truth in the love that their God has for them and cling to it. I pray that they would learn to shed expectations of perfection and instead love wholly and extravagantly.

I am firmly and increasingly grateful for and overwhelmed by God's gentle care for me as a mother. I have also become keenly aware that my struggle is not unique! I don't know why I expected motherhood to be blissful, I've read Genesis and feel the curse. The world is in decay, my house will always get dusty right after I clean it, my kids will continue to demand more of me and my arms always tire just before everything is done. 

Thankfully, on the days when I can remember, there is a truth to be spoken above the roar of child's play when I'd rather be sleeping and amidst the haze of days shrouded in defeat.  Jesus died so that I could live abundantly in this, be freed from this, and give Him thanks in this.

Incase it isn't clear, I'm not the kind of mom you'd want to pin. We do an art project maybe once every six months and most of our outings involve a shopping cart. Im not even sure we own glue and I definitely have no plans to homeschool my children (they would probably run away if I mentioned it). But, I love my kids and I am so grateful for the ways they spur me on to be a better woman and a more raw and realistic version of my imperfect self. Depression, in a word, devours, but I hope in my life-giving Lord. And eat a lot of Oreos.

Allergy Testing

After Grayson's endoscopies two weeks ago, his biopsies came back positive for eosinophils, indicating an allergic reaction in the esophagus and leading to a diagnosis of Eosinophilic Esophagitis.  He was negative for lactose intolerance and Celiac Disease so we were referred to Dr. Rose at the Arizona Allergy and Asthma Institute for further allergy testing.  Grayson was also immediately started on a Flovent steroid inhaler that he is to swallow (instead of inhale) to reduce inflammation, in addition to Prevacid which we started up again for his acid reflux following the endoscopies.

On Monday Grayson and I visited the AAAI and after a consult, underwent a standard prick test on his back for 27 potential allergens.  He was found to be immediately allergic to peaches and shell-fish but neither of those were particularly helpful finds since he doesn't eat either regularly and they can't account for his significant amounts of inflammation and erosion.

The Prick Test.

Of course that meant not one, but three more visits to their office this week to do something called a patch test.  The patch test checks for latent reactions to allergens and we honed in on some of the more likely culprits for this test.  A patch is fitted with numerous tiny pouches of pureed food or liquids and affixed to the patients back for 48 hours, putting those substances in direct contact with the skin.  Once the patch is removed, they wait 15 minutes and take the first reading to record the skin's reaction to the substances after the first 48 hours.

The Patch Test.

I was praying that this test would be successful and offer us some answers but I wasn't quite prepared for this level of 'success'.  At the first reading on Thursday, Grayson showed irritation for 6-7 new allergens.  Cue punch in the gut.

Grayson's back after the first 48 hour check.

After a sleepless, itchy night, on Friday we went in for the 72 hour check and the final read.  The results indicated allergies to corn (the strongest reaction), soy, wheat and avocado, and then 'irritation' to milk, oats and turkey.  I was shocked to find out he was allergic and/or sensitive to so many foods and honestly felt overwhelmed and helpless.  My biggest concern was not only the task of filling his nutritional needs with foods he could eat but fear that he might be allergic to even more things that we didn't even test for.

Top left circle is the reaction to corn after 72 hours.

Our appointment with the doctor to go over his results isn't until next Wednesday so in the meantime we've switched him from soy formula to almond milk (thankfully this transition has been smooth in the last 24 hours), and I scoured the gluten free selections at the grocery store to give him a few options until we know which of these allergens we need to avoid permanently.  We know strawberries, blueberries, applesauce and grapes are safe so they will be completing his diet for the next few days.  I am hopeful that we won't need to avoid all of these foods long-term or do further testing but there is that possibility.

I know that I am not the first mom to go through this and I also know that there are much worse things to face with your children.  However, anxiety and worry still grip my heart and my desires for complete health and comfort for my baby come with the territory.  In the light of the morning I am feeling more at peace but there is still an unshakeable uneasiness with the lack of certainty about every food that is causing irritation.  I find myself wanting to woo control into my keeping but alas, it is not mine.  I have been comforted in knowing that our God knows this little boy's body and I can trust him to provide wisdom and healing.

For I am the Lord your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.

Isaiah 41:13

Grayson: 15 Months

This month has been defined by procedures and testing, aimed at getting this boy healthy.  I've decided to do a separate post about that and keep this one focused on all this boys other adorable and applaudable details.

At 15 months, Grayson:

• Weighs 22 1/2 lbs and has graduated from the 10th percentile back up to the 25th for both weight and height.  Following month after month of dropping in the percentiles (down from the 50th at birth) it is such a joy to see this boy growing at a healthy rate!
• Wearing size 12 months clothes (though we'll be going up a size soon) and size 4 diapers.
• Is not yet walking but has taken a few steps on his own and wants nothing more than to hold someone's hand so he can zoom around on foot.
• Has 7 teeth and abhors the mere indication of brushing any of them.
• Has added three more words/phrases to his vocabulary, "uh oh", "all done" and "bib".
• Is... and let's take a moment to celebrate this... sleeping UNSWADDLED 100% of the time.  Finally.
• Loves to hug, kiss and cuddle and is still easily the sweetest kid alive.
• Is having an absolute daddy love affair and goes tromping into our room at the first sound of daddy's alarm in the morning, ready to climb and give kisses.
• Has figured out how to climb onto the couch by himself and thankfully how to get off feet-first.  This was essential seeing as how his next move upon gaining this ability was to tumble over the side of the arm in acrobatic style just like his sister.  We keep a pile of pillows on both sides at all times for this very purpose of course.
• Loves to chase, is more into books but rarely lets me actually read one to him, loves to eat (the few things he can actual tolerate at this point), has mastered the snack cup, can do a straw cup but doesn't prefer it in the least, loves his sister, is amazing at keeping himself occupied for long periods of time and would always always prefer to be outside.
• Has not only had a growth spurt of the physical sense but has made a leap in his communication skills, humor and overall person-ness.  He is just on the brink of transition between baby and toddler and despite feeling joy in his every move, I find myself already mourning the coming loss of this baby who has won over my heart!

Endoscopy

Monday morning, before the birds were singing and the sun was up, Blair and I awoke and readied ourselves for a long morning.  At 5:15am we went together into Grayson's room to rouse the sleeping boy and to our surprise he opened his eyes in the darkness, let out a quiet squeal of joy to see us and wrapped his arms around my neck.  Pure sweetness, this boy.

Little did he know the day wasn't going to be ideal and would hold within it a vague memory of being gassed to sleep, scoped through and through, and waking disoriented, tired and starving.

Except for a little fussing as we put him in the carseat, Grayson remained as happy as can be through the whole morning.  He hadn't eaten since 6:45pm the night before and even on a little fasting belly this kid's light could not be dimmed.  We drove the 45 minutes into the city to Phoenix Children's Hospital and checked in for his Upper Endoscopy and Sigmoidoscopy (lower bowel).

Sleepy boy, laughing with Daddy while we waited to check-in.

Every time I've visited this place I've been blown away by their attention to detail, their kindness, and overabundance of kid-friendliness.  What a blessing to be near such a great children's hospital!  After check-in we were ushered to the procedure waiting area and then into our own waiting room.  Vitals and weight were taken (he was 20 pounds 10 ounces I believe, almost a full 4 pounds lighter than Ava at this age), we changed him into his purple hospital gown, and played in the play area until it was our turn to see the anesthesiologist.  While we were playing, we were visited by both the doctor who would be performing the procedure and the anesthesiologist to see if we had any questions for them.  Again, so impressed with their effort to make us feel comfortable and at ease before such an anxiety-provoking procedure!

Waiting for our turn, sweet as can be.

When it was "time", I of course was holding steady on the outside while dreading every step on the inside.  It was a quick process, laying him down on the procedure table and holding his arms while the anesthesiologist put a mask over his screaming face.  It took under a minute for his screams to quiet and his watery eyes to close, but it was such an unnatural thing to experience and so hard for this mom and dad to watch.  I gave his limp body a long kiss (until they warned me not to take a breath next to the gas mask that had just put my son to sleep) and Blair and I strolled our belongings to the waiting area.  The procedure would only take about thirty minutes and I'm thankful for that.  We were so exhausted at that point but couldn't rest, and instead spent the time looking at pictures of our sweet children and reminiscing about our first 'dates' as a couple, 14 years ago.  Back then we were engulfed in awkward dance photo-opp's and how and when to hold hands in public, with no idea the future that would unfold!

The doctor came out right on schedule and was very informative and thorough in sharing his findings with us.  This first picture was taken of his esophagus, at the top of his throat, looking perfect, healthy and as it should.

This next photo is of his lower esophagus, right above his stomach.  It shows what he called Severe Erosive Esophagitis--swollen, congested tissue with multiple linear furrowing (the raw-looking red lines going down) suggestive of Eosinophilic esophagitis (Esophagitis in response to an allergy).

Multiple biopsies were taken of the tissue and will be able to tell us whether this condition is caused by persistent gastroesophageal reflux disease (acid reflux), or some type of food or environmental allergy, lactose intolerance or Celiac disease.  He is to begin Prevacid again immediately, and depending on the results of the biopsies may need further allergy testing.

I look at those pictures and 1) wonder how this boy manages to still be the happiest kid on the planet, and 2) am no longer surprised that he has had so much trouble swallowing food and am instead surprised that he has learned to swallow anything!  This condition can also explain his Dysphasia (aspiration of liquids) so we're very optimistic that once we get him treated he will be able to swallow thin liquids again, drink from a sippy cup, and so forth.

Recovery was by far the most difficult part of the day for Grayson.  He had a harder than average time coming out of the anesthesia, was very disoriented and incredibly frustrated by attempts to feed him clear liquids instead of formula (the nurses prefer this in order to make sure patients are swallowing correctly).  He was also doing a lot of abnormal coughing and gagging which concerned the nurses but thankfully once we got him settled and fed and removed from the recovery room, the coughing subsided and he had no further complications.

Drinking a bottle in recovery.

An out-of-it little dude, resting the full weight of his head

on my cheek as we made our way to the car.

Thankfully once we left the hospital, Grayson was exhausted but otherwise his normal, calm, and relaxed self.  He fell asleep on the ride home and by the afternoon was eating, tumbling and laughing as usual.  The resilience of kids is ah-mazing.

Wiped out on the car ride home.

Though the day was exhausting and the news not-so-great, it is overwhelming a relief to have a grasp on what is going on inside this sweet little body and a plan to get him healthy, growing, and pain-free.  In 1-2 weeks we will have all of the biopsies back and we'll be able to move forward with treatment once we know exactly what we are dealing with.  In the meantime, this house is full of excessive amounts of snuggling for this boy who my heart adores!

Grayson: 14 Months

I'm going to keep this one short and sweet.  Like my boy.

14 Months:

• Sweetest, snuggliest, awesomest baby alive.
• Giving real hugs.  Be still my heart.
• Added words: yeah, ball, bottle, down, birdie (and makes a monkey sound for that and every other animal).
• Every other word is "dee".
• Two new teeth; four in total with four more following closely behind.
• Thickened soy formula 4x a day, next swallow test coming up on Wednesday.
• Tried peanut butter and jelly but otherwise no new foods on account of a severe case of diarrhea lasting most of the month.
• Standing unassisted and lunging at things but no steps yet.
• Sleeping unswaddled at night, left arm still swaddled for naps.  After 14 months in the Woombie, seeing this kid in PJs melts my heart, I have to say.
• Into legos.  And throwing food and rocks.
• LOVES his daddy, being outside, toys whacking other toys, electronics, sleeping with his froggy, being chased, knocked over, held upside down, dropped, tackled, tickled, shoved or having things snatched from his hands.

Have I mentioned how much I adore this kid?

Standing!

Can't get enough of this face.

I Heart Phoenix Children's Hospital

We've visited them only twice, at two different locations, but both experiences have been awesome and the staff is unbeatable.  This morning Grayson and I met with Dr. Siaw from the pediatric gastrointestinal department and he displayed a great balance of seriousness and urgency with an obvious affinity for kids (something surprisingly lacking in the world of pediatric medical care).

Grayson has had bum woes for the last three weeks (for those with strong stomaches this means he's had very mucusy stool and diarrhea 10+ times a day).  On the 5th we saw the pediatrician who suggested we get allergy testing done via blood draw.  To our surprise, it came back negative for all major food allergens so they referred us to a G.I. specialist and slapped Grayson with a "Chronic diarrhea" diagnosis on his record due to the nature of his bowel movements since birth.

This morning, bright and early, he and I drove to PCH Avondale location and met with Dr. Siaw.  After hearing about Grayson's current and past issues (including the acid reflux, Dysphasia, bloody stool, poor weight gain and trouble swallowing solid food) he ordered an Upper and Lower Endoscopy be done.  This is similar to the Colonoscopy that many of us may have had the pleasure to undergo, wherein the patient is put under anesthesia (Lord, help me) and a scope is guided down the throat, into the stomach and small intestine, and separately up into the large intestine.  The camera will allow Dr. Siaw to get a visual understanding of how Grayson is responding to his food but he'll also be taking multiple biopsies to test for allergies and intolerances (turns out the blood draw is not very accurate for intestinal allergies) as well as things like Celiac Disease, Cystic Fibrosis and Crohn's Disease.

In the meantime, we are to continue his diet as-is, which for me has been a challenge.  We switched from soy milk back to soy formula (incase this was the culprit) and he has been on a modified B.R.A.T. diet with no significant change in his bowels.  It has helped to slow things down and bulk things up slightly but barely.  It is also very challenging with this boy who's food options are limited to begin with.

I must say it is a horrible feeling, continuing to make decisions as to what will be going into my baby's body, not knowing if I'm literally spoon-feeding him something that is making him sick.  We have already cut out dairy but not lactose completely.  Is it wheat?  Gluten? Egg? Sugar? Something random like Red dye #40 that will plague us until he is 18?  Or worse, will they not find anything conclusive?

I am so thankful for a happy boy.  He is such a joy and he is so sweet despite surely feeling pretty icky a lot of the time.  I am also so aware that though my heart aches for him, it could always be worse and I have so much to be grateful for within his tiny little body.  There is so much working right and God knows what things aren't.  I pray that we can fix our eyes on Him and get this kid fattened up in no-time.

Next week we will visit PCH-Avondale again for a follow-up Modified Barium Swallow to determine if Grayson is still aspirating his liquids and if we can stop thickening his bottles.  I pray so, that would be a great way to start off this next month or so--checking one diagnosis off our list before potentially adding another.

Grayson: 13 Months

For me, much of the joy of being a parent is housed in recognizing and capturing a string of fleeting moments.  Hundreds of these come and go throughout the day, ones I think I could never forget but somehow do almost immediately.

Last night, after his bottle, Grayson crawled up my chest to lay belly to belly, cupped my jaw with his hand and tenderly smushed his nose into my cheek with the full weight of his head.  He laid there, still awake, for what felt like a lifetime's worth of joy-soaked-minutes, his featherweight white hairs blowing with each breath I took in and out.  Overwhelmed by the smell of baby and the warmth and weight of this boy I carried, I reminded myself to begin this post before I forgot to make permanent yet another fleeting moment.

This last month Grayson has grown up a lot and has whole heartedly adopted his new status as a one-year-old.  He is walking with the aid of push toys and just today stood unassisted for the first time with a smile as big as the moon, full of pride.  He is consistently saying Mommy, Daddy, Ava, paci and now "yeah".  He is pointing at things and has his bottom two teeth.  He delights onlookers with long conversations on the phone with "Dada", loves playing on mattresses, pillows or anything else that is a foot off the ground, and this month has started giving kisses (be still my heart).

Talking on the phone with Aunt Charlotte

Kisses for Daddy

Grayson's eating habits remain stable, they aren't excellent but he is eating and growing.  We have added a few new foods to his palate this month but this progress was slowed after discovering allergies to both dairy and almond milk.  He is currently still taking soy formula and has been very reluctant to drink soy milk, though I've discovered that thickening soy milk is almost impossible as it turns very quickly into a jello-type consistency.  Despite my attempts to revamp our grocery budget, it looks like we will probably be sticking with thickened soy formula until he has his follow-up MBS test in April or May.  This also means he is still getting "feedings" (as opposed to on-demand drinking from a sippy cup) since thickened formula must be ingested immediately after mixing.

After being instructed to increase his fat intake, I've introduced things like hot dogs, chicken nuggets and fries, things my 99th-percentile-daughter  did not get until she was old enough to beg for them!  It feels a little odd but at this point we are just desperate for things he will swallow besides fruit.

For my own records, here is a comprehensive list of not all foods we've tried but things he is consistently swallowing: blueberries, strawberries, apple, pear, grapes, peaches, hot dogs, waffles, chicken, eggs and cheerios.  In puree form, veggies mixed with applesauce (squash, peas, green beans, sweet potatoes).  Though they aren't his favorite, he will eat shelled peas and shelled chick peas off a spoon with a sweet puree.  Because he is showing signs of pickiness but is consistently swallowing a larger variety of foods, we have been able to side-step feeding therapy for now which I'm thrilled about!

Grayson is now sleeping with his right arm out of the swaddle 100% of the time but still needs his left arm swaddled to sleep well.  I've let this go and until he grows out of the Woombie (which he will be soon) or it gets too hot for him to sleep in anything but a diaper (which might also be soon), I'm okay with it.  This kid has had enough to deal with and every time I tried to ween him he got sick or had an allergic reaction to something new.  For now I'm on board with just letting the poor kid sleep however he wants to.

The one-armed swaddle

He is still comfortably wearing size 12 months clothes, size 4 diapers and has yet to wear a shoe.

This kid may never have the lush backyard of his birth to compare in memory to the desert he lives in now, but I'm pretty sure he will miss it not.  He is an outdoor man through and through and I've started just letting him roam about freely in the backyard, hoping to squelch any remnants of cactus-novelty before he's old enough to run right into them at full speed.  He loves being outside and could probably occupy himself quietly for a whole day if I let him, just throwing rocks, sorting leaves and touching dirt.  He has started crawling on his hands and feet like a monkey outside to save his knees from being filed raw on the stone and even with his uncalloused limbs he tromps right out onto the sharp rocks in search of adventure.

On one hand I find myself already mourning the loss of this boy's babyhood because he is the sweetest breed of these, but I also cannot wait until he gains some independence because I know he will embrace it and the world around him so joyfully and without hesitation.  This month as I've watched Grayson and Ava rekindle their love for one another, I am also getting more excited for their sibling relationship to develop.  Though I'm sure there will be rivalry and what not, I foresee their personalities blending beautifully.

Oh, my kids.

Four

I have a four year old.

I could end with that and anyone who has parented one of these breeds of human would understand by sentiment.  But, with that one might miss the depth, the inherent nature of humor and imagination so intricately woven with a grounded intelligence I can't begin to master in all it's complexities.  This girl is no ordinary one, no duplicate stamp, she is on all accounts as unique as they come and we marvel daily at her brilliance in both mind and spirit.

Ava's fourth year has been no picnic, housing immeasurable change for such young comprehension.  A sick pregnant mommy, a new baby brother with all the trimmings and lack of personal attention, a cross-country move and a personality that grows stubbornness like a weed.  Ava has had a lot to deal with amidst a tumultuous spurt of attitude, defiance and independence.  Though these things are typical of her age group, Ava has had a particularly difficult time accepting authority within the walls of home and the fire I've spoken of before became somewhat of an unquenchable wild thing that at times consumed all mommy had to offer.  That said, since turning four Ava has embraced this new responsibility with almost relief, to have broken the bonds of three-hood for the allowance of self-control that is apparently handed to four-year-olds on their birthday platter.  Her desire to rule the roost is still ever present but she is much more quick to ease the reigns a little, even in the last week.  She has even started playing with Grayson and loving on him in ways I haven't seen her do since he was a few weeks old, allowing herself to play the part of the sister and daughter more often than attempting a household dictatorship at the hands of a three-year-old emotional volcano.  For this I am eternally grateful!

Despite her desire for control, Ava's personality is a gem and a wonder to everyone she meets.  She is by far the most outgoing four-year-old I know while somehow managing not to bulldoze her companions.  She is a great friend, caring and courageous, immediate to warm and invite anyone into her inner circle.  She is intensely smart, sharp, poignant and observant on every level and the depth of her social skills and question asking rival many adults I know.  She is a tom-boy of sorts, wants sports equipment and a dart gun in place of headbands and lip gloss but she plays equally alongside her dump trucks and princesses, wanting to wear boots and muddy sneakers while pouting about the lack of sequins on the bathing suits at Target this season.

Ava is learning her alphabet at preschool, recognizes almost every letter, can write most of them from memory and is beginning to sound out words.  She is very interested in learning to write and read but has yet to master any of her numbers.  I think this is mostly due to her disinterest, she did not learn any of her letters until beginning preschool and then upon deciding she was motivated, learned them all within a very short period of time.  This girl can not be coerced into anything!  Once she decides she is ready, I foresee time telling and algebra in her future with relative ease, as well as a chronic migraine diagnosis in mine when it comes time to motivate her to use her super-smarts in primary school.

Ava is still taking a nap every day for 1 1/2 - 2 hours but is sleeping for (on average) only 9 1/2 hours a night.  For the last number of months she has been falling asleep around 9 or 9:30pm and waking at 7am, and then is desperate for a nap by 1pm.  I tried waking her early from her naps to try and get her to sleep earlier at nighttime, but after four or five days of disaster-child I lost my stomach for that.  For now we are letting her wind down on her own in her room from 8pm until she falls asleep and trying to keep her nap under 2 hours.  It's not ideal but it's what her little body is preferring at the moment.

Ava is wearing size 5 clothes (not 5T but girls 5) and I've lost hair over the task of fitting her now into the 'tween' styled, Hanna Montana, neon, lace and sequined costumes they have available in bulk.  Despite her excitement over hot pink Uggs and two-piece bathing suits, I've scoured the stores for things that will somehow still fit her into the little girl category.  She is wearing size 10 shoes, loves pajamas and has recently taken to changing her outfit at least four times each day.  She is, much to my dismay, at the beginning of wanting to express her independence via her wardrobe and at home is rarely found in an appropriate combination of clothing (think: tights with no skirt, sweatshirt with no shirt and leopard dress shoes).

At her four-year well check Ava weighed 42 lbs and measured 41 1/2 inches, roundabout the 90th percentile for both.  She eats as much as I do but thankfully still eats extremely well and loves a huge variety of healthy foods.  We are expecting an asthma diagnosis as she gets older and she is currently on a steroid and rescue inhaler regimen following a bout with Pneumonia a few weeks ago, but otherwise she has been deemed healthy and growing perfectly.

We are so blessed by this girl and every day I am stretched by her warm and gregarious heart and her insatiable curiosity and depth.  She challenges me to be creative, to define myself as I help her discover her own expanding heart and mind and to be intentional with everything I do and am under the constant watch of such an observant and absorbent girl.  She may tire me but I am so grateful for her as my daughter and my companion.  I am far better for having her in my life and can only imagine the richness she will bring to our lives and others around her in the years to come.

One Year

One whole year of waking up to this sweet face.

I thought before having children that milestones would be pretty expected and anticipated, marked and somewhat scheduled.  I did not anticipate the baffling nature of said milestones and the disbelief that would come along with them.  How on earth my son has defied the laws of this world and reached the age of one year in a matter of weeks is beyond me!  Wasn't it just yesterday I held this tiny, wobbly head?

Now, twelve months later, he is a curious, adventurous, sweet and light hearted, playful, easy going, throw-caution-to-the-wind type of little boy who I adore.  With exception only for his health and feeding issues, this make-me-want-to-pull-out-my-hair infant has transformed into arguably one of the easiest varieties of these things they call babies.  He is not easily angered or frustrated but far from a pushover when it comes to battling the will of his big sister.  He goes down easily for naps, doesn't beg for me to stay when I leave the room and will welcome me and say goodbye again with a smile if I have to sneak back in before he's fallen asleep.

This month he has added consistent "mama's" to his vocabulary as well as "paci" (pa-dee) and "blueberry" (bu-bwee).  Just in the last three days he has started freeing his arms from his Woombie when I put him down for naps and with that newfound freedom, throwing his paci's out of the crib and then looking at them longingly on the floor saying, "Pa-dee?  Pa-dee?"  We'll see how this transition goes but I'm hopeful after seeing the progress he's made in just a few days.

Grayson's eating is going much better and his weight gain is stable.  This month we added carrots, honeydew, eggs, chicken and peaches to the repertoire, and today introduced yogurt again.  If he is able to tolerate it we'll be slowly introducing cheese and then milk into the mix this month.  For now he's drinking 20-28 ounces of soy formula a day from a bottle and has just started holding it himself.  We've tried a sippy cup a few times but the speech therapist advised us against letting him drink with his head tilted up and he has yet to get the hang of a straw.  He has, however, taken to fruit and veggie pouches and is getting better at sucking from those.  He is consistently taking purees from a spoon now (though he won't eat any veggies unless mixed with fruit) and though he still spits out a number of different foods, he is more consistently swallowing a good variety.

Finally starting to hold his own bottle!

At his 12 month appointment Grayson weighed 19 lbs 13 oz and is in the 10th percentile for weight, 25th percentile for height at 29 inches.  The doctor urged us to get as much healthy fat in his diet as we can as well as add things like butter or salad dressing that pack a lot of calories in a small serving.  I can't say I'm on board with that yet but I'm so grateful he's healthy, gaining, and may be able to split a cookie with me in the near future.

Big news for this month is that I decided to stop his Prevacid, the medication he's been taking for acid reflux since he was two months old.  And, wait for it... he is symptom free!  It seems with the thickened liquids and solid-eating that his esophagus has gotten a break.  Hallelujah.

Poor little man's immune system did not get a break this month, however.  Two weeks ago he was hit hard with the flu, a fever peaking at 104.3 and an ear infection to top it all off.  Oh, and did I mention at the same time he popped out his first tooth?  And it just so happened that Blair also had the flu, I had an upper respiratory virus and Ava had Pneumonia.  In the same week.  A week we would prefer to never relive!  Grayson appears to be cutting his second tooth as we speak, these mini-chompers making their debut later than average but a solid 6 months before Ava ever saw her first tooth!

The Flu and an ear infection, minus the bottom tooth that

popped just a couple days after this picture was taken.

Grayson is easily walking along furniture now (though crawling on his knees primarily) and has just started taking a few steps while holding onto a push toy.  He is far more adventurous with his mobility than Ava was and I've found him on the couch, inside his toy bin, in the dishwasher, in a trash can, half-in the dryer and with both hands in the toilet.  I'm curious if whoever deemed daughters more expensive than sons included the bounty of Emergency Room bills that are sure to be in our future.

An Average Day at 12 months:

7:30a  Wake, bottle and breakfast
9:00a  Nap for 1-2 hours
11:30a Bottle and lunch
1:30p  Nap for 1 1/2 - 2 hours
3:30p  Bottle and snack
4:30p  Nap for about an hour if needed
5:30p  Dinner
7:00p  Bottle and down for bed

Favorite Books:  He still has no patience for books and won't let me read one or turn pages but he loves to look at them himself.  His favorites are Baby Animals and the Little People books.

Favorite Toys:  Having just had a few new toys introduced since his birthday, I'd have to say he is partial to most of them.  Tried and true favorites though are Ava's Elmo CD player, the shapes sorter, and any and all balls and musical toys.

Favorite Items:  iThings.

Favorite Foods: Blueberries and avocado take the cake, runners up being grapes and multi-grain cheerios.

Favorite Games: Tossing or rolling a ball back and forth or being chased around the house.

Woe is the second born, with nary a real birthday party.  We celebrated his actual birth-day by driving up to Sedona with Mimi and Pappy who are visiting for two weeks.  Happy birthday kid-- five hours in the car and no real naps!  We gave him his presents over the course of a few days and enjoyed watching him shiver at the sweet taste of icing 3 days later (Blair's next night off from work).  Though it wasn't one special day full of quintessential photo-opps, this boy is no less loved and his birth no less celebrated.  What a joy it is to remember his entrance, his homecoming and each month as we got to know this beautiful boy and our love for him grew to a gush.  He is, in short, an absolute delight, and I cannot wait to see what each new month brings.

Cranky birthday boy in Sedona!

Happy One Year sweet boy.

"Eating"

Here is a video that captures Grayson's eating habits as of late.  Though he is now taking purees from a spoon, he is still chewing and spitting out most solid foods.  We will be scheduling a feeding evaluation soon to see if he is a good candidate for feeding therapy.

Grayson: 11 Months

Oh, my Grayson boy.  You have stolen my heart.

This month was full of activity and changes following Grayson's swallow study.  He has completely switched over to soy-based formula thickened to full-nectar consistency and did so fairly seamlessly.  He developed another round of chest congestion and a low grade fever the day of the swallow test but each day is doing a little better and we're praying this will be the last of it!

He doesn't get weighed again officially until 12 months but when we saw the doctor for an ear infection on the 10th, he weighed 19 pounds with his clothes on and had gained weight from our previous visit.

Since I cut out dairy from my diet before Christmas, Grayson's digestive system has shown vast improvement and even more so since switching to formula.  He has even started taking mashed and blended food from a spoon for the first time and expanding the number of finger foods he will put in his mouth.  He is still chewing and spitting out most finger foods but we are encouraged that a lot of his previous taste or texture issues seem to be more associated with discomfort from his dairy sensitivity.  I am hopeful that as his gut continues to heal and he can create new habits related to eating, he will begin swallowing more and more solid food.

To date, he will chew (and sometimes swallow) plain cheerios, multigrain cheerios, rice, blueberries, grapes, avocado, pear, apple, sweet potato, corn and peas.  He has tried but will not tolerate broccoli and bananas.  In the last few days he has happily swallowed applesauce, sweet potatoes and pureed prunes.  Hurray!

I cannot put into words the relief and joy it brings to my heart to see my 11 month old opening his mouth when I bring a spoon to it.  Such a small thing that I took so for granted with Ava!  It is hard to relinquish control over everything that does or does not go into my son's body but I trust that God will feed my baby and give me wisdom in how best to help him grow!

In the last month Grayson has gotten more sturdy on his feet and has started unlocking his knees and taking mini steps while holding onto furniture.  He has gotten more confident in his movements, can climb up and over and into just about anything and his curiosity keeps me on my toes.  Even feeling under the weather 90% of the time, this kid is a busy little trouble seeker.

Though I wouldn't say Grayson is consistently saying any actual words except for "dada", I have caught what sounds like "Ava" and "a-da" (all done).  He has also started repeating basic sounds of words as I say them.

He doesn't have the patience for reading any books yet but he does enjoy looking at Baby Animals and hearing me make a fool of myself imitating animal noises.  He is head over heels for Ava's old Elmo CD player and otherwise has to be coaxed into playing with actual toys and turning off his radar for electronic devices and Barbie accessories that he's not allowed to touch.

Grayson is still wearing 12 month clothes and some 12-18 and 18 month onesies and size 3 diapers (size 4 at night).  He is much more flexible than his sister ever was which serves our busier lifestyle well but his general schedule is below.  He is still taking 3 naps a day but can handle skipping one, is sleeping through the night when he's feeling well and is "eating" 3 meals a day.

7:30am  Wake up (sometimes as late as 8 or 8:30 and I rarely wake him early).  8 oz thickened formula

8:00am  Breakfast with Ava, cheerios and fruit

9:00-11:00am  Nap

11:30am  6-8 oz thickened formula, lunch with Ava (Cheerios, fruit and veg)

1:00-3:00pm  Nap with Ava

3:30pm  6-8 oz thickened formula

4:30-5:30pm  Nap if needed

6:00pm  Dinner with the family (Cheerios, fruit and veg)

7:30pm  4-6oz thickened formula, then to bed for the night

He is still wearing the Woombie (swaddle) to sleep and I'm at this point waiting until he is healthy for any stretch of time to try and ween him from it since it will be a scream fest.  He loves it and sleeps like a dream with it so despite the fact that he's almost a year old I'm in no hurry to break that habit.  It won't be long until he outgrows the largest size though so that will be a great thing to look forward to in the coming months.

In personality this kid is everything you could ask for.  Laid back, flexible, always smiling and quite the snuggle bug.  He is not all that opinionated, not easily frustrated or angered and though very curious and much more into things than Ava ever was, he has no ill-intentioned fiber in his body (yet).  I honestly am head over heels for this boy and his sweet face!