Grayson: 13 Months

For me, much of the joy of being a parent is housed in recognizing and capturing a string of fleeting moments.  Hundreds of these come and go throughout the day, ones I think I could never forget but somehow do almost immediately.

Last night, after his bottle, Grayson crawled up my chest to lay belly to belly, cupped my jaw with his hand and tenderly smushed his nose into my cheek with the full weight of his head.  He laid there, still awake, for what felt like a lifetime's worth of joy-soaked-minutes, his featherweight white hairs blowing with each breath I took in and out.  Overwhelmed by the smell of baby and the warmth and weight of this boy I carried, I reminded myself to begin this post before I forgot to make permanent yet another fleeting moment.

This last month Grayson has grown up a lot and has whole heartedly adopted his new status as a one-year-old.  He is walking with the aid of push toys and just today stood unassisted for the first time with a smile as big as the moon, full of pride.  He is consistently saying Mommy, Daddy, Ava, paci and now "yeah".  He is pointing at things and has his bottom two teeth.  He delights onlookers with long conversations on the phone with "Dada", loves playing on mattresses, pillows or anything else that is a foot off the ground, and this month has started giving kisses (be still my heart).

Talking on the phone with Aunt Charlotte

Kisses for Daddy

Grayson's eating habits remain stable, they aren't excellent but he is eating and growing.  We have added a few new foods to his palate this month but this progress was slowed after discovering allergies to both dairy and almond milk.  He is currently still taking soy formula and has been very reluctant to drink soy milk, though I've discovered that thickening soy milk is almost impossible as it turns very quickly into a jello-type consistency.  Despite my attempts to revamp our grocery budget, it looks like we will probably be sticking with thickened soy formula until he has his follow-up MBS test in April or May.  This also means he is still getting "feedings" (as opposed to on-demand drinking from a sippy cup) since thickened formula must be ingested immediately after mixing.

After being instructed to increase his fat intake, I've introduced things like hot dogs, chicken nuggets and fries, things my 99th-percentile-daughter  did not get until she was old enough to beg for them!  It feels a little odd but at this point we are just desperate for things he will swallow besides fruit.

For my own records, here is a comprehensive list of not all foods we've tried but things he is consistently swallowing: blueberries, strawberries, apple, pear, grapes, peaches, hot dogs, waffles, chicken, eggs and cheerios.  In puree form, veggies mixed with applesauce (squash, peas, green beans, sweet potatoes).  Though they aren't his favorite, he will eat shelled peas and shelled chick peas off a spoon with a sweet puree.  Because he is showing signs of pickiness but is consistently swallowing a larger variety of foods, we have been able to side-step feeding therapy for now which I'm thrilled about!

Grayson is now sleeping with his right arm out of the swaddle 100% of the time but still needs his left arm swaddled to sleep well.  I've let this go and until he grows out of the Woombie (which he will be soon) or it gets too hot for him to sleep in anything but a diaper (which might also be soon), I'm okay with it.  This kid has had enough to deal with and every time I tried to ween him he got sick or had an allergic reaction to something new.  For now I'm on board with just letting the poor kid sleep however he wants to.

The one-armed swaddle

He is still comfortably wearing size 12 months clothes, size 4 diapers and has yet to wear a shoe.

This kid may never have the lush backyard of his birth to compare in memory to the desert he lives in now, but I'm pretty sure he will miss it not.  He is an outdoor man through and through and I've started just letting him roam about freely in the backyard, hoping to squelch any remnants of cactus-novelty before he's old enough to run right into them at full speed.  He loves being outside and could probably occupy himself quietly for a whole day if I let him, just throwing rocks, sorting leaves and touching dirt.  He has started crawling on his hands and feet like a monkey outside to save his knees from being filed raw on the stone and even with his uncalloused limbs he tromps right out onto the sharp rocks in search of adventure.

On one hand I find myself already mourning the loss of this boy's babyhood because he is the sweetest breed of these, but I also cannot wait until he gains some independence because I know he will embrace it and the world around him so joyfully and without hesitation.  This month as I've watched Grayson and Ava rekindle their love for one another, I am also getting more excited for their sibling relationship to develop.  Though I'm sure there will be rivalry and what not, I foresee their personalities blending beautifully.

Oh, my kids.

Four

I have a four year old.

I could end with that and anyone who has parented one of these breeds of human would understand by sentiment.  But, with that one might miss the depth, the inherent nature of humor and imagination so intricately woven with a grounded intelligence I can't begin to master in all it's complexities.  This girl is no ordinary one, no duplicate stamp, she is on all accounts as unique as they come and we marvel daily at her brilliance in both mind and spirit.

Ava's fourth year has been no picnic, housing immeasurable change for such young comprehension.  A sick pregnant mommy, a new baby brother with all the trimmings and lack of personal attention, a cross-country move and a personality that grows stubbornness like a weed.  Ava has had a lot to deal with amidst a tumultuous spurt of attitude, defiance and independence.  Though these things are typical of her age group, Ava has had a particularly difficult time accepting authority within the walls of home and the fire I've spoken of before became somewhat of an unquenchable wild thing that at times consumed all mommy had to offer.  That said, since turning four Ava has embraced this new responsibility with almost relief, to have broken the bonds of three-hood for the allowance of self-control that is apparently handed to four-year-olds on their birthday platter.  Her desire to rule the roost is still ever present but she is much more quick to ease the reigns a little, even in the last week.  She has even started playing with Grayson and loving on him in ways I haven't seen her do since he was a few weeks old, allowing herself to play the part of the sister and daughter more often than attempting a household dictatorship at the hands of a three-year-old emotional volcano.  For this I am eternally grateful!

Despite her desire for control, Ava's personality is a gem and a wonder to everyone she meets.  She is by far the most outgoing four-year-old I know while somehow managing not to bulldoze her companions.  She is a great friend, caring and courageous, immediate to warm and invite anyone into her inner circle.  She is intensely smart, sharp, poignant and observant on every level and the depth of her social skills and question asking rival many adults I know.  She is a tom-boy of sorts, wants sports equipment and a dart gun in place of headbands and lip gloss but she plays equally alongside her dump trucks and princesses, wanting to wear boots and muddy sneakers while pouting about the lack of sequins on the bathing suits at Target this season.

Ava is learning her alphabet at preschool, recognizes almost every letter, can write most of them from memory and is beginning to sound out words.  She is very interested in learning to write and read but has yet to master any of her numbers.  I think this is mostly due to her disinterest, she did not learn any of her letters until beginning preschool and then upon deciding she was motivated, learned them all within a very short period of time.  This girl can not be coerced into anything!  Once she decides she is ready, I foresee time telling and algebra in her future with relative ease, as well as a chronic migraine diagnosis in mine when it comes time to motivate her to use her super-smarts in primary school.

Ava is still taking a nap every day for 1 1/2 - 2 hours but is sleeping for (on average) only 9 1/2 hours a night.  For the last number of months she has been falling asleep around 9 or 9:30pm and waking at 7am, and then is desperate for a nap by 1pm.  I tried waking her early from her naps to try and get her to sleep earlier at nighttime, but after four or five days of disaster-child I lost my stomach for that.  For now we are letting her wind down on her own in her room from 8pm until she falls asleep and trying to keep her nap under 2 hours.  It's not ideal but it's what her little body is preferring at the moment.

Ava is wearing size 5 clothes (not 5T but girls 5) and I've lost hair over the task of fitting her now into the 'tween' styled, Hanna Montana, neon, lace and sequined costumes they have available in bulk.  Despite her excitement over hot pink Uggs and two-piece bathing suits, I've scoured the stores for things that will somehow still fit her into the little girl category.  She is wearing size 10 shoes, loves pajamas and has recently taken to changing her outfit at least four times each day.  She is, much to my dismay, at the beginning of wanting to express her independence via her wardrobe and at home is rarely found in an appropriate combination of clothing (think: tights with no skirt, sweatshirt with no shirt and leopard dress shoes).

At her four-year well check Ava weighed 42 lbs and measured 41 1/2 inches, roundabout the 90th percentile for both.  She eats as much as I do but thankfully still eats extremely well and loves a huge variety of healthy foods.  We are expecting an asthma diagnosis as she gets older and she is currently on a steroid and rescue inhaler regimen following a bout with Pneumonia a few weeks ago, but otherwise she has been deemed healthy and growing perfectly.

We are so blessed by this girl and every day I am stretched by her warm and gregarious heart and her insatiable curiosity and depth.  She challenges me to be creative, to define myself as I help her discover her own expanding heart and mind and to be intentional with everything I do and am under the constant watch of such an observant and absorbent girl.  She may tire me but I am so grateful for her as my daughter and my companion.  I am far better for having her in my life and can only imagine the richness she will bring to our lives and others around her in the years to come.

One Year

One whole year of waking up to this sweet face.

I thought before having children that milestones would be pretty expected and anticipated, marked and somewhat scheduled.  I did not anticipate the baffling nature of said milestones and the disbelief that would come along with them.  How on earth my son has defied the laws of this world and reached the age of one year in a matter of weeks is beyond me!  Wasn't it just yesterday I held this tiny, wobbly head?

Now, twelve months later, he is a curious, adventurous, sweet and light hearted, playful, easy going, throw-caution-to-the-wind type of little boy who I adore.  With exception only for his health and feeding issues, this make-me-want-to-pull-out-my-hair infant has transformed into arguably one of the easiest varieties of these things they call babies.  He is not easily angered or frustrated but far from a pushover when it comes to battling the will of his big sister.  He goes down easily for naps, doesn't beg for me to stay when I leave the room and will welcome me and say goodbye again with a smile if I have to sneak back in before he's fallen asleep.

This month he has added consistent "mama's" to his vocabulary as well as "paci" (pa-dee) and "blueberry" (bu-bwee).  Just in the last three days he has started freeing his arms from his Woombie when I put him down for naps and with that newfound freedom, throwing his paci's out of the crib and then looking at them longingly on the floor saying, "Pa-dee?  Pa-dee?"  We'll see how this transition goes but I'm hopeful after seeing the progress he's made in just a few days.

Grayson's eating is going much better and his weight gain is stable.  This month we added carrots, honeydew, eggs, chicken and peaches to the repertoire, and today introduced yogurt again.  If he is able to tolerate it we'll be slowly introducing cheese and then milk into the mix this month.  For now he's drinking 20-28 ounces of soy formula a day from a bottle and has just started holding it himself.  We've tried a sippy cup a few times but the speech therapist advised us against letting him drink with his head tilted up and he has yet to get the hang of a straw.  He has, however, taken to fruit and veggie pouches and is getting better at sucking from those.  He is consistently taking purees from a spoon now (though he won't eat any veggies unless mixed with fruit) and though he still spits out a number of different foods, he is more consistently swallowing a good variety.

Finally starting to hold his own bottle!

At his 12 month appointment Grayson weighed 19 lbs 13 oz and is in the 10th percentile for weight, 25th percentile for height at 29 inches.  The doctor urged us to get as much healthy fat in his diet as we can as well as add things like butter or salad dressing that pack a lot of calories in a small serving.  I can't say I'm on board with that yet but I'm so grateful he's healthy, gaining, and may be able to split a cookie with me in the near future.

Big news for this month is that I decided to stop his Prevacid, the medication he's been taking for acid reflux since he was two months old.  And, wait for it... he is symptom free!  It seems with the thickened liquids and solid-eating that his esophagus has gotten a break.  Hallelujah.

Poor little man's immune system did not get a break this month, however.  Two weeks ago he was hit hard with the flu, a fever peaking at 104.3 and an ear infection to top it all off.  Oh, and did I mention at the same time he popped out his first tooth?  And it just so happened that Blair also had the flu, I had an upper respiratory virus and Ava had Pneumonia.  In the same week.  A week we would prefer to never relive!  Grayson appears to be cutting his second tooth as we speak, these mini-chompers making their debut later than average but a solid 6 months before Ava ever saw her first tooth!

The Flu and an ear infection, minus the bottom tooth that

popped just a couple days after this picture was taken.

Grayson is easily walking along furniture now (though crawling on his knees primarily) and has just started taking a few steps while holding onto a push toy.  He is far more adventurous with his mobility than Ava was and I've found him on the couch, inside his toy bin, in the dishwasher, in a trash can, half-in the dryer and with both hands in the toilet.  I'm curious if whoever deemed daughters more expensive than sons included the bounty of Emergency Room bills that are sure to be in our future.

An Average Day at 12 months:

7:30a  Wake, bottle and breakfast
9:00a  Nap for 1-2 hours
11:30a Bottle and lunch
1:30p  Nap for 1 1/2 - 2 hours
3:30p  Bottle and snack
4:30p  Nap for about an hour if needed
5:30p  Dinner
7:00p  Bottle and down for bed

Favorite Books:  He still has no patience for books and won't let me read one or turn pages but he loves to look at them himself.  His favorites are Baby Animals and the Little People books.

Favorite Toys:  Having just had a few new toys introduced since his birthday, I'd have to say he is partial to most of them.  Tried and true favorites though are Ava's Elmo CD player, the shapes sorter, and any and all balls and musical toys.

Favorite Items:  iThings.

Favorite Foods: Blueberries and avocado take the cake, runners up being grapes and multi-grain cheerios.

Favorite Games: Tossing or rolling a ball back and forth or being chased around the house.

Woe is the second born, with nary a real birthday party.  We celebrated his actual birth-day by driving up to Sedona with Mimi and Pappy who are visiting for two weeks.  Happy birthday kid-- five hours in the car and no real naps!  We gave him his presents over the course of a few days and enjoyed watching him shiver at the sweet taste of icing 3 days later (Blair's next night off from work).  Though it wasn't one special day full of quintessential photo-opps, this boy is no less loved and his birth no less celebrated.  What a joy it is to remember his entrance, his homecoming and each month as we got to know this beautiful boy and our love for him grew to a gush.  He is, in short, an absolute delight, and I cannot wait to see what each new month brings.

Cranky birthday boy in Sedona!

Happy One Year sweet boy.

"Eating"

Here is a video that captures Grayson's eating habits as of late.  Though he is now taking purees from a spoon, he is still chewing and spitting out most solid foods.  We will be scheduling a feeding evaluation soon to see if he is a good candidate for feeding therapy.

Grayson: 11 Months

Oh, my Grayson boy.  You have stolen my heart.

This month was full of activity and changes following Grayson's swallow study.  He has completely switched over to soy-based formula thickened to full-nectar consistency and did so fairly seamlessly.  He developed another round of chest congestion and a low grade fever the day of the swallow test but each day is doing a little better and we're praying this will be the last of it!

He doesn't get weighed again officially until 12 months but when we saw the doctor for an ear infection on the 10th, he weighed 19 pounds with his clothes on and had gained weight from our previous visit.

Since I cut out dairy from my diet before Christmas, Grayson's digestive system has shown vast improvement and even more so since switching to formula.  He has even started taking mashed and blended food from a spoon for the first time and expanding the number of finger foods he will put in his mouth.  He is still chewing and spitting out most finger foods but we are encouraged that a lot of his previous taste or texture issues seem to be more associated with discomfort from his dairy sensitivity.  I am hopeful that as his gut continues to heal and he can create new habits related to eating, he will begin swallowing more and more solid food.

To date, he will chew (and sometimes swallow) plain cheerios, multigrain cheerios, rice, blueberries, grapes, avocado, pear, apple, sweet potato, corn and peas.  He has tried but will not tolerate broccoli and bananas.  In the last few days he has happily swallowed applesauce, sweet potatoes and pureed prunes.  Hurray!

I cannot put into words the relief and joy it brings to my heart to see my 11 month old opening his mouth when I bring a spoon to it.  Such a small thing that I took so for granted with Ava!  It is hard to relinquish control over everything that does or does not go into my son's body but I trust that God will feed my baby and give me wisdom in how best to help him grow!

In the last month Grayson has gotten more sturdy on his feet and has started unlocking his knees and taking mini steps while holding onto furniture.  He has gotten more confident in his movements, can climb up and over and into just about anything and his curiosity keeps me on my toes.  Even feeling under the weather 90% of the time, this kid is a busy little trouble seeker.

Though I wouldn't say Grayson is consistently saying any actual words except for "dada", I have caught what sounds like "Ava" and "a-da" (all done).  He has also started repeating basic sounds of words as I say them.

He doesn't have the patience for reading any books yet but he does enjoy looking at Baby Animals and hearing me make a fool of myself imitating animal noises.  He is head over heels for Ava's old Elmo CD player and otherwise has to be coaxed into playing with actual toys and turning off his radar for electronic devices and Barbie accessories that he's not allowed to touch.

Grayson is still wearing 12 month clothes and some 12-18 and 18 month onesies and size 3 diapers (size 4 at night).  He is much more flexible than his sister ever was which serves our busier lifestyle well but his general schedule is below.  He is still taking 3 naps a day but can handle skipping one, is sleeping through the night when he's feeling well and is "eating" 3 meals a day.

7:30am  Wake up (sometimes as late as 8 or 8:30 and I rarely wake him early).  8 oz thickened formula

8:00am  Breakfast with Ava, cheerios and fruit

9:00-11:00am  Nap

11:30am  6-8 oz thickened formula, lunch with Ava (Cheerios, fruit and veg)

1:00-3:00pm  Nap with Ava

3:30pm  6-8 oz thickened formula

4:30-5:30pm  Nap if needed

6:00pm  Dinner with the family (Cheerios, fruit and veg)

7:30pm  4-6oz thickened formula, then to bed for the night

He is still wearing the Woombie (swaddle) to sleep and I'm at this point waiting until he is healthy for any stretch of time to try and ween him from it since it will be a scream fest.  He loves it and sleeps like a dream with it so despite the fact that he's almost a year old I'm in no hurry to break that habit.  It won't be long until he outgrows the largest size though so that will be a great thing to look forward to in the coming months.

In personality this kid is everything you could ask for.  Laid back, flexible, always smiling and quite the snuggle bug.  He is not all that opinionated, not easily frustrated or angered and though very curious and much more into things than Ava ever was, he has no ill-intentioned fiber in his body (yet).  I honestly am head over heels for this boy and his sweet face!

Modified Barium Swallow

Today Grayson and I woke up early and drove into the city to the Phoenix Children's Hospital.  It is actually a very cheery place, bright and welcoming, and I was thrilled to find that they could accommodate my Starbucks addiction on such an important day.

We checked in at 9am as we were instructed to, even though his appointment wasn't until 10am, and after the look the receptionist gave me I now know that no one actually comes that early.  We toured the beautiful lobby, cafeteria and gift shop until Grayson was awake enough to let me sit and drink my coffee while he entertained me with his smiles.

During the Modified Barium Swallow, Grayson was strapped into a seat resembling a plastic car seat next to a movie-type x-ray machine.  He was bottle fed liquid barium in three progressively thicker consistencies while the tech and speech pathologist watched the screen to evaluate his ability to swallow them safely and effectively.  They then spoon fed him barium and used a syringe to complete the study.

I'd say it was a little traumatizing for the boy but in reality I think he was just mad that he wasn't getting fed for real.  He did not like any of the barium offered (who would?) but he did swallow a little of each consistency and the pathologist was able to provide me with a lot of information.

Though we were doing this test to help understand why he hasn't been swallowing a lot of solid foods, they found a surprising and more pressing issue.  He was diagnosed with mild to moderate Dysphagia or penetration of his airway with fluid as he swallowed which can cause fluid to enter the lungs.  When I mentioned that he has been sick almost non-stop the last few months with colds and viruses as well as a few unexplained high and persisting fevers, the pathologist was very concerned and said that that is a tell-tale sign of aspiration in infants who are consistently fighting off infection in the lungs.  She said that he was at risk for Pneumonia but we have probably side-stepped that so far since he was primarily breast fed and breast milk absorbs back into the body better than formula.

Let's stop there.  This was a lot to take in in a matter of about forty seconds.  I was shocked but also so relieved to get an explanation not only for some of his breast feeding issues (which I was not expecting) but for his poor health and frequent fevers that pediatricians just kept guessing were viral.

After the test was over we had a consultation with the speech pathologist and she was incredibly helpful, warm and informative.  I was directed to strictly bottle-feed (either breast milk or formula) and thicken all of his bottles with a thickening nectar.  This will help him swallow it more effectively and engage the muscles properly to close off his airway and send the fluid to his stomach.  She was encouraged as we talked to see that he would eat cheerios one at a time out of my hand but recommended us for feeding therapy for his delays in swallowing most solid food and his aversion to using a spoon.  She guessed that there is some pain associated with eating for him, whether from his acid reflux or the aspirating issue making him hesitant to swallow.

In the meantime, we are to continue with cheerios and try different flavors of them simply to expand his palate.  He does shovel in a few foods now by the fists full (blueberries, grapes, avocado, sweet potato, apple and pear shavings, and he'll pick at peas) but he chews and then spits 99% of them out.  I was encouraged to keep giving him as much as he wants, even if he is spitting it out, because eventually he will begin to swallow more and more.  She also told me to give him at least three spoon or forkfuls of food at each meal to help that become a safe and comfortable way to take in food, even if he spits it right back out.  She suggested giving him a cheerio on a spoon since that is a safe food for him so we'll see how that goes.

Stuffing his face with Avocado.

This evening Grayson did take his whole thickened bottle, something I never thought would happen right away since he is so picky.  I'm not convinced that tomorrow he won't reject the whole thickening idea but for now I'm encouraged.  I am planning to pump for a couple of days but begin to wean him as soon as I'm confident in his soy formula intake.  Pumping before every feeding on top of already supplementing with formula, thickening and cutting up massive amounts of finger foods for him to chew and spit into his bib is a little too much for me on top of making meals for Ava (and myself if I'm lucky).  We are just a few weeks away from being able to try dairy again (did I mention on here that he is allergic to dairy?) or at least switch to soy milk, so for my own sanity the weaning will begin now.

Breast feeding him has been a labor of love and not particularly enjoyable with his need to sit upright and fight to finish a feeding, but I was surprisingly emotional at being told I had to stop.  Just like that.  I have been looking forward to the end but I wanted to finish on my own terms, relish our last feeding together and make it to 12 months.  I compromised and when we got home, after tucking Ava in for her nap, I swaddled Grayson, rubbed his fuzzy little head and fed him one last time.

I was not particularly prepared for this blur of a day but I'm so thankful for a better understanding of what's going on in Grayson's body.  My heart aches knowing that he's been dealing with this discomfort and possibly pain for such a long time and I am amazed at his sweet, happy and care free nature in spite of it.  I cannot wait to get this boy healthy, clear out his lungs, get him fed and gaining more weight and see what this newfound energy will do for his unashamedly curious nature!  This boy is such a joy and a blessing to us!

InstaShare

Thanks to the glorious invention of social photo sharing media, I have been able to stay in touch with family and friends in a very personal way since our cross-country move.  I am so grateful for my little iPod touch and the ability to capture and share snapshots of our every day life here.

For the few of you who don't follow me in some other electronic manner, here are the "best-of" photos to sum up our last couple of months.

Mommy daughter date, shooting cars with soap at the car wash over donuts and coffee:)

 Watching a dozen hot air balloons get blown up during the 'Hot Air Balloon Glow' in our town.

Buying our live Christmas tree from a dirt lot on the side of the road!

Super excited about decorating the tree.

Loving some little boy time while Ava is at preschool.

And then he started pulling up.

Jealous.

Decking the palms.

Mr. Mischief.

We bought a hedge trimmer.  In December.

Portrait of mommy.

Practicing her letters.

Little dude did a little too much Christmas partying last night.

Guess who swallowed a sweet potato!

Rain dance.

Bike riding in December has yet to lose it's luster.

Ava was so blessed by the sweet hospital volunteer who brought teddy bears for her and Grayson.

Sibling comfort:)

Christmas Eve service at CCV.

Climbing a tree after church.

Christmas dinner!

Christmas morning with kids is the best.

Snuggle time with Nana.

Girls morning out!

Helping daddy fix the kitchen faucet.

Laundry time.

Mommy is happy.

Bike ride with my big girl!

Now I know who recorded those 87 episodes of Mickey Mouse.

Champion wheelbarrow racers.

Daddy's home!

I'm in trouble.

Sending a love note to her BFF.

Let's go PSU!