A Peaceful Mess

My floors are covered in toys, pillows, shoes and unbreakable dishes. There is a load of laundry in the living room waiting to be folded which has long since re-wrinkled in the basket. Ava just went to sleep and I was about to google, "How to catch/kill/rid-my-kitchen-of fruit flies" when I thought, what better time to take a moment for myself? There really is no better or worse time I'm realizing, just time that if not spent being quiet, opening my Bible and praying, will no doubt be spent on something else.

As one of the illusive fruit flies ventures into my homemade trap and then back out (drat!), I decided to read in Philippians 4. I have felt God nudging me lately toward the word, the concept and the reality of contentment--something of which I am seriously lacking. Almost everything about my life is exactly what I would have chosen for myself: staying at home with my beautiful and rather (dare I say) easy toddler, a wonderful and supportive husband, a lovely home and in a word, plenty. And yet, even on the best of days I find myself wanting. And the worst of it, feeling entitled to more! My eyes are being opened to the fact though that nothing will satisfy me short of Jesus. I want a second car and yet when I have the chance to use the one we already have, I complain that it takes too much energy to actually get Ava ready and out the door. I want Blair home more but really no amount of family time is "enough". So, naturally I turned to verses 11-13 which read something like this:

"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances... I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether in plenty or in want...

Ah, yes! This is the answer I'm looking for!

...I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

At first I was disappointed not to have been delivered an action plan to blissful needlessness. But, as God nudged my heart further I realized what a blessing it is to have him as a necessary part of this process of growing in contentment, to have him as the ultimate supplier. It means I will keep going back to him when I'm feeling discontent and lacking in joy and fun and sleep. Instead of continually looking to change my circumstances (a never-ending quest), I can rest in knowing God will give me the strength to endure and even enjoy all those less than perfect days.