Ava Turns Three

At each milestone I am in awe of how much my baby girl has grown and changed since the last and this birthday was no exception.  Being able to hold up her three years against her brother's three weeks was an especially eye opening, grounding, and gratefulness-inducing celebration.  I am so proud of who Ava is becoming and the firey, outgoing, caring, witty and sharp little girl that she already is.

Despite the exhaustion and limitations overtaking our lives these days, we did our best to make Ava's third birthday a very special day.  After breakfast we took Ava out to the driveway and with plenty of hurrah we presented her with her very first bike, fit with training wheels.  Pink, purple, hearts all over it, and a bike helmet doused in flowers and lady bugs--needless to say she was beside herself!  It was everything we had hoped for, watching her light up and jump with excitement, and what a joy to watch her slowly take her first ride and gain confidence with each pedal push.

Blair had to work for most of the day so I told Ava she could pick anything she wanted for her birthday dinner with me.  She chose 'Cars' mac & cheese with just about every fruit and vegetable in our fridge and strawberry greek yogurt for dipping.  Love her!

At three years old, Ava:

• Is insightful well beyond her three years.
• Always asking questions and soaking in vocabulary and explanation.
• Potty-trained by day (except when she decides to act out in response to a certain little brother's presence) and wearing pull-ups at nap and bedtime.
• Weighs 36 1/2 lbs and is about 38 inches tall, still in the upper percentiles for both.
• Between sizes 4 and 5T, size 9 shoes
• Makes us laugh every day with her ingenuity, creativity and wit.  At her 3-year doctor's appointment the doctor asked her to draw a circle.  She picked up the pen, drew half of a circle and said, "That's all I can do", then proceeded to add two dots and said, "Hey! It's a smiley face!"
• Loves learning about sports and is especially interested in gymnastics and baseball.
• Has one favorite activity: rough housing with daddy!  Other favorites include playing outside, listening to music and singing along, being read to, caring for her babies and animals, and in general using her toys and household items for uses other than what they are meant for (i.e. one could regularly find her 'skiing' down the hall with wash cloths on her feet and two fly swatters in her hands).
• Also loves pretending she is a baby (since Grayson was born), complete with pacifier and whine.
• Favorite music: Audrey Assad
• Favorite books: Berenstain Bears
• Favorite color: Purple
• Is by far the most outgoing three-year-old we've ever met!  She loves to talk to everyone she sees, including strangers (thankfully she's still young enough to always have us with her).  She is a surprisingly good and thoughtful question asker and I love watching her gregarious nature light up every space she sets foot in.
• Has fully embraced her duty to test boundaries and drive mommy bonkers.
• Still has the sweetest most caring little heart, an amazing awareness of emotion and what's going on around her and an overall personality that we can't get enough of.

Two days later we had her birthday party--a small affair with just a few family members, but Ava couldn't have been more happy to share her big day with her cousin and best friends.

The highlight of the party was definitely playing outside with the tee-ball set and trampoline Ava got from Mimi and Pappy.

Granddad brought a beautiful cake, outfitted in the color of the day--purple!

 We are so grateful to everyone who made that day so special and memorable for Ava!

One Month Old

Grayson, you are one month old today!  It has gone by very quickly but I've enjoyed getting to know you more every day.

Thankfully having a second child comes with a portion more of confidence, ease and perspective and one less of panic and anxiety because this new child of mine so far has a demeanor that would draw out the latter.  He has many oh so sweet moments but the poor guy has definitely had a rough first four weeks of life as his body adjusts to life outside the womb.  Not a smooth transition for any, unfortunately!

At one month old, Grayson you are:

• Eating every 3 hours around the clock, starting around 7:30am just before your sister gets up.
• Sometimes able to get yourself to sleep in your crib but you generally need to suck on something to help and then you wake every few minutes crying to suck, spit up, poop or for some other unknown reason.
• On the highest dose of Zantac a baby your size can stomach and you still seem very uncomfortable when you spit up, burp, lie down, or have to dirty your diaper.  We are about to start a new medicine for acid reflux to see if it is more effective for you.
• Have an insatiable need to suck and are rarely happy without a finger or pacifier in your mouth.  We are praying that soon you will find one of your own fingers to fill that need!
• Still fighting to stay awake for even a half hour or forty-five minutes after the start of a feeding.  Because you aren't sleeping well, you would much rather eat and use that to soothe yourself right back to sleep.
• Doing better at sleeping in your crib than you were two weeks ago.  You don't often stay asleep for long but at least I can put you in without you screaming at the sight of it.  You have transitioned to wanting more quiet when you sleep, you love your white noise machine, and don't sleep as well anymore in the swing or out in the middle of the action unless you're being held.
• Loving your daddy!  He definitely calms you down more than mommy does (with me you just want to eat) and you love staring at his face.
• Just outgrowing your newborn clothes, though you still manage to squeeze into NB size diapers.
• Growing like a weed and now weighing 9lbs 11oz.  You gained 2 lbs in the last 2 weeks!
• Nursing much better (sucking more strongly) than you were a few weeks ago but that has come at a price--the last few days you've been spitting up a ton!  We are hoping that's not a continued trend.  The good side of this is that feeding you is a relatively quick operation and you're done within 5-10 minutes.
• Still sleeping in the bassinet in our bedroom until you start sleeping through the night.  Hopefully that will be sooner than later but you haven't shown any signs of wanting to go longer than 3 hours in between feedings yet.

I am still averaging about 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night, a habit that my body has surprisingly gotten more used to over the last weeks.  When I am home by myself with both kids there is a lot of crying between our non-sleeper who I can't hold much of the time and our three-year-old who majors in negative attention getters these days.  Though I am secretly looking forward to a few months from now when things are hopefully running more smoothly, I am also soaking in the slow pace, the newborn size and smell, and the little victories that are awarded when I manage to get both kids happy or sleeping at the same time.

Grayson, despite the energy you require, you manage to steal my heart every time I look at your handsome little face.  No matter how tired or frazzled I get, I am still overwhelmed with love for you and can't wait to see how you grow and change and how you change me.

Grayson: The First Two Weeks

I'm sure my memory is failing me but I do recall the first two weeks with Ava being much easier.  This is mostly due to the fact that with one child you truly can sleep when they sleep and with two you can't.  My body has somewhat adjusted to getting an average of 4 hours sleep a night but my mental faculties are definitely not at their peak performance under these circumstances!

At two weeks Grayson is:

• Eating every three hours at roughly 7am, 10, 1, 4, 7... sometimes going 3 1/2 or 4 hours at night, sometimes screaming to eat after 2 or 2 1/2.
• Not particularly interested in feeding but is getting better.  He is getting more efficient but generally finishes within 5-10 minutes regardless of how much milk he's actually consumed.
• Is thankfully gaining weight rapidly despite my perception of his poor eating habits and weighed in at 8lb 2oz at his appointment on Wednesday.
• Not enjoying sleeping flat on his back, by himself or in his crib.  He will not put himself to sleep if put down while awake.  We're working on it!  For now the swing or carrier have been lifesavers.
• A pretty fussy kid unfortunately.  We're suspecting acid reflux and hoping a regimen of zantac will do the trick.
• Adored by his big sister.  Ava loves to snuggle him, hold him, entertain him and study his little features.
• Still pretty darn adorable even though he doesn't let us sleep much!

Finally, the Real Labor

Three years ago I pushed out a 9-pound baby without an epidural.  I thought I'd seen it all.  But low and behold, my baby boy arrived at 8:01am after 14 1/2 hours of a labor barely resembling his sister's.

Tuesday afternoon I had my doctor's appointment where we found out I was 4cm dilated.  An hour later (around 5:30pm), while we ate dinner as a family at a local diner, my contractions started.  Because of all of my false alarms I tried not to get my hopes up, but this definitely felt a little different than the contractions I'd had previously.  Over the next couple of hours they were still semi-irregular but steadily growing stronger and closer together. We headed to the hospital around 9:30pm, my contractions remained painful but doable for a number of hours and progress was slow.

Around 2am there was a great shift in the heading of my labor.  Sparing details, things started to progress very quickly and got much more intense within a very short period of time.  My contractions were incredibly strong, much more so than any I experienced when laboring with Ava, and they were not subsiding in between peaks or giving me any break.  After about two hours I had lost all energy to speak, squeeze hands or continue on in any manner.  I remember telling Blair that I felt like I was going to pass out but I couldn't, my body wouldn't let me leave.  I was incredibly hot, violently sick and utterly dashed when I realized I wouldn't be able to finish this without help.

Somehow they got me to sit up and I remember holding onto Blair's sweatshirt, sobbing and shaking as I got an epidural.  Shock seems to be the word of the last few months for me and I was again bathed in it--at how my body handled the end of pregnancy and at how different this labor had been than what I'd expected and experienced before.

After the epidural my body calmed enough for them to check me.  I was at 8cm at that point and know I reached 10cm by around 6am because of the pressure I felt.  A little before 8am the doctor came back in to check me and instead found the head already visible and ready to make it's debut.  I will say, though I was disappointed that I could not have my son naturally, there was a pleasant contrast to Ava's birth that surprised me as it happened.  I only pushed two or three times but the whole event felt much slower and calmer than Ava's.  I was able to be fully present for my son's entrance in the world, I cut the cord, even laughed a little.  Though less intense, it was every bit as emotional and much more peaceful which was a welcome feeling after such an exhausting labor.

At the end of it all, with the sunrise I got to meet my beautiful son.  I admit that even late in my pregnancy I had a much harder time bonding with the idea of this second addition, how he would continue to affect our family dynamic, as well as what it would be like to love another child and to raise a boy.  Though different, bonding was still instant and fierce and continues to grow as I spend more time with this precious boy.  Grayson Blair.  I am so grateful for him and for what is to come as we grow into our roles as a family of four.

The moment.

Sleepy boy getting his first bath.

 My best friend Erin getting to hold Grayson for the first time

after witnessing his birth.

Ava meeting her baby brother.

Family of four!

And some of my favorite photos from the hospital and home: