Caitlin Wilson Textiles

One of my favorite designers, Caitlin Wilson, has just launched her own line of textiles and they are gorgeous!  I've been anxiously awaiting their debut and hope I can come up with some places to use her beautiful fabrics and pillows in my home.

Gender Reveal Party

I've started this post four times now, unsure of how to capture how truly special last night was for our family.  The anticipation made finding out the gender of our baby that much more exciting and nerve-wrecking and we relished the opportunity to share such an intimate moment with our close family and friends.

My friend Erin not only hosted this event but she attended to every detail: favors, decorations, a table of foods I've been craving, and a custom cake baked blue or pink inside for the big reveal.  She made sure to capture every moment on camera, including when she opened the envelope (in private) revealing the gender, and sent us home with a mountain of goodies.  This happening would not have been what it was without her!  There are few things more special than having a dear friend make a big fuss over something that is important to you and man, I felt fussed over and blessed.  Thank you Erin for making this reveal such an exceptional time!

We arrived, excited of course, and were so thankful to see so many loved ones there to celebrate with us.  Then it was time to cut the cake as a family of three...

It's a...

 BOY!

Ava said, "It's blue! I'm going to have a baby brother!"

Overwhelmed.

I have thought known this baby was a boy since very early on, and thought I was completely prepared for the confirmation.  However, I was not!  If we're being honest here on this blog of mine, I was a little in shock and overwhelmed with thoughts of, 'Wait, an actual boy?  What does it feel like to love and bond with a baby boy?  Will I know how to care for a potentially rambunctious boy like I do my sweet girl?'  But, I am also flooded with a warmth and undeniable love for this little kicker of ours.  I can't let go of the picture of his precious face that I got to see on the ultrasound screen and am growing more and more excited as the realizations mount of what this will mean for our little family.  What an epic adventure parenthood is turning out to be and we are so thrilled to watch God's design for our family unfold before us!

Dirt, mud, trucks and blue, we are ready for you!

Ultrasound

This little blurry bundle is our baby-to-be.  We had an a great ultrasound and in some ways I enjoyed not finding out the gender right then and there (let me add a side note: we've decided not to find out until the reveal party on Saturday with our friends and family).  It allowed me to concentrate on each, 'it has two arms and two legs' and 'the kidneys and stomach are functioning properly' instead of lying there thinking, 'it's a girl!!' which is what I primarily remember from Ava's 20 week ultrasound.

The only part that was pretty uncomfortable for me was the measuring of the cervix which they have to do first, while your already squeezed bladder is full.  The tech got her magic wand down there and said, 'Woah, this baby's head is right up against the cervix'... I could have told her that.  He or she was so stubbornly pressed as low as a baby can go that the tech had to push and dig to get a worthy measurement, both of my cervix and of the baby's poor head.  Even with all the prodding it wouldn't budge and I can assure you hasn't lifted since.

Other than that, the ultrasound was amazing and I loved every moment.  We got to see the baby swallow twice and got to see it move its arms and hands in real-time.  By far the most special moment for me was when the tech scanned the front of the baby's face (it was facing up as opposed to curled on it's side like Ava was) and I got an almost 3D looking view of it's hand over it's eyes, it's cute button nose and big pouty lips.  What a treasure!  I will cherish that moment from now until I get to kiss those lips in person!

Unfortunately, a fun morning didn't mean a fun afternoon for me.  I've been feeling more and more tired the last couple of days and after lunch I took a long nap.  When I woke up I had a LOT of pressure in my legs and felt as if someone had tied a tourniquet around both my thighs and my legs might burst at any moment.  I called the doctor and she didn't seem too alarmed which was good, but I have continued to feel pretty lousy, exhausted and have a lot of pain and pressure from the hips down.  It is most likely due to the baby's placement as well as my body not holding everything in place as tightly as it did the first time around.  But, I am still feeling even more uncomfortable than I did with Ava in the last weeks of pregnancy and it's a little overwhelming to imagine 20 more weeks of this.

Please pray with us that this pain and pressure will not continue until March!  Also pray for endurance and a spirit of hope and strength for me.  The last couple of weeks I've felt a physical decline and in general feel like my body is not handling this pregnancy very well.  I am praying hard against discouragement and also that Ava would react well if this is the lot we get for next couple of months.

Thank you!  Stay tuned on Saturday for the big reveal!

20 weeks

We've finally reached 20 weeks!  I have my appointment on Wednesday but I wanted to post a couple pictures from our family photo shoot today.  Thankfully this has been a fairly uneventful pregnancy though I'm still feeling exhausted, light headed and much more uncomfortable than I remember being with Ava.  I thought I carried Ava low but this baby is low.  I feel a lot of pressure and it is already difficult to get up from the couch, lean over and do other such daily maneuvering since I feel like I'm squishing a too-full water balloon between my hips.  My body has also been feeling very overworked but I have yet to figure out where resting and putting my feet up fit into my day.

I am also happy to report that in the last two weeks Ava has made a turn for the better.  After not sleeping well since I got pregnant and upping the defy-o-meter, she has all of a sudden started sleeping better at night and taking longer naps again (and consequently has in general reverted back to a normal measure of defiant two-year-old).  I am praying that this is the 180 we've been waiting for and that she will continue in this trend!  It is so much more fun to enjoy this pregnancy with her rather than to trade it for the constant need to discipline.

I mean really, have you seen a cuter big sister?  Last night I was feeling quite awful and laying on the couch and Ava came over to me, stroked my back and said, "Mommy, it gonna be okay.  I will always take care of you."  Melt this mama's heart.

On the 19th we will also (hopefully) be finding out the gender of our baby!  I can't even tell you how excited I am.  We will be keeping it a secret until Saturday when my friend Erin is graciously throwing us a shower and gender reveal party.  I am so looking forward to this in so many ways, to celebrate with friends and family and to have a moment to make a big deal out of this baby!

Pumpkins and Bunnies

Last weekend Ava and I went to Way Fruit Farm with the Stubes in search of pumpkins and a little fall spirit.  Ava was wary of the tractor ride that was required in order to reach the actual patch of pumpkins, but alas she clung to mommy and did great.  Once there, Ava dove fearlessly into the muddy search but every time I found a pumpkin small enough that I could carry it, she said, "No, I don't want that one".  After I trucked around one that I'd picked for her, she let me know that she didn't want to take one home at all!  She was just there for the adventure apparently so we continued getting our shoes muddy and came home pumpkin-less but enjoyed every minute.

 Here's our token photo with the pumpkin we left behind!

 The unforeseen highlight of the morning was the "petting zoo" which I had pictured as your usual dirty, sheep-and-goat-petting type zoo.  What we found was a little pen full of baby bunnies!  Before I could get out the words, "Ava, are you okay to go in by yourse---" she was in the gate and stalking bunnies like you've never seen.  I was shocked and somehow so proud, my daughter who is usually the last one to let go of mom's hand in public didn't hesitate for a moment.  When we got home she came right in and told Daddy all about it and kept saying to me, "I looooove bunnies mommy, I really do.  Can I have a bunny at my house?"

Trying so hard to pick up this wiggly older bunny

So gentle!

Settled for a snuggle with the wiggly one.

Finally got to hold a quieter baby bunny.  So proud of herself!

All in all it was a perfect fall morning and the weather could not have cooperated more.  I'm so thankful for these fun times with my daughter while it's just mommy+1!

Meanwhile, maybe it was the sunshine we had last week but Ava has started sleeping much better recently and I'm so thankful.  She occasionally will sleep in a little in the morning if she has a rough night or takes longer to fall asleep, and her naps have been consistently 2 hours or more when she's been healthy.  What a difference it makes in her demeanor!  She is currently suffering through her second ear infection in two weeks but has been quite the trooper.  We've started a multi-vitamin and vitamin D supplement to hopefully bolster her immune system for the rest of the season... we shall see.

Ava's New Coat

She Says

Ava: (telling us a story) "One day, Curious George got out of bed.  And all of a sudden!  There was a terrible alligator.  The end."


While I was putting on her socks and shoes:
Ava: "Mommy, I'm ready for shuntin'!"
Me: "You're ready for what?"
Ava: "Shuntin'! You know, like shunting trucks and hauling freight!"  (the theme song from Thomas)


I went and met Ava at her door after her nap...
Ava: "Mom, what were you doing out there?"
Me: "I was on the computer."
Ava: "Well... that's not polite. I called for you."
Me: "Yes, but you called from the door, you're supposed to call for me from your bed. You got out of your bed."
Ava: (with a smirk) "What?! You can't be serious!"


"Mommy, do you ever EVER mow the lawn?"


I asked Ava who her best friend was. She said Ducky. I clarified, "Who is your best person friend?" and she thought for a whole minute before saying, "Brayden! He's snuggly!"


At my OB doctor's appointment, just before hearing the heartbeat, the doctor said to Ava,  "Does your mommy have a baby in her belly?" to which she replied, "Yeah, and I have Jesus right here in my heart!"

I was that mom.

You know, that one with the kicking, screaming, shoe-throwing toddler you pass judgement on in the store?  That was me.

For all those who know my daughter and don't believe me that she has her "moments", believe this!  We were in our local kids consignment shop the other day and something about it made Ava think it was a free-for-all, take-what-you-want, try-on-all-the-shoes-you-can-find kind of store, and one where screaming and throwing a tantrum was an acceptable response to mommy's "no's".  I left utterly embarrassed, literally carried her out kicking and we then proceeded to sit in the car for fifteen minutes until she calmed down enough to get in her car seat.

I consider myself on the strict side of the parenting spectrum and think words like consistency and follow-through are the cornerstones to discipline.  But, if parenting perfection was my ultimate goal, I would never survive a day and would be riddled with defeat.  No amount of sound parenting can make you totally immune to a child's outburst of defiance!  But, though not apparently immune and not shielded from the glaring eyes of other shoppers, I do think God uses those displays as a great reminder for me.  I can never be 100% in control of what Ava does or what choices she makes, but I can do my best with what God has given me--to teach in the quiet moments, to discipline and correct in the louder ones, and to, in the messiest of moments, show by example what it looks like to live by grace, obedience and love.  If those are my ultimate goals, then I should welcome the tantrums as much as I welcome the sweet times, acknowledging them all as chances to grow in Christlikeness both within myself and to cultivate it in my daughter.

Now, do I act according to this perspective all the time?  Definitely not.  I am still the mom who threw her kid in the backseat and thought, who exactly is in control here?  What does it even look like to show Christ to this?  But, I'm so thankful for a God who challenges me, bears those burdens with me and teaches by example, dealing with my intense stubbornness with unmatchable gentleness, grace and patience.

Kicks

At 17 weeks and 2 days, there's no hiding this belly and no ignoring its resident.  Though I've been feeling small kicks and squirms since around 15 weeks, just in the last 24 hours our baby grew some muscles and those kicks can now be felt by an outside hand.

This morning I woke Blair up to feel some of the strongest kicks yet (he's been waiting patiently), and then Ava had her magical moment after breakfast.  We were reading a book when she got a strong kick in her back and I said, "Ava! Do you know what that was?"  She jumped quickly off my lap and sat next to me on the couch with her eyes wide and smiling.  I told her to put her little hand right where I'd felt the kick and she did.  I was literally praying that God would have that baby kick in the same spot again since Ava's hand is so small and can only cover so much ground at one time.  Not only did he answer that prayer but Ava waited patiently for two or three minutes for that kick to come, whispering, "Come on little guy" as she gently touched my belly.  When the time came she looked at me and her mouth opened wide in excitement.  What a special moment!

I will long cherish that first sibling interaction and know that Ava is going to make an amazing big sister.