the drakes: Finally, the Real Labor

Three years ago I pushed out a 9-pound baby without an epidural. I thought I'd seen it all. But low and behold, my baby boy arrived at 8:01am after 14 1/2 hours of a labor barely resembling his sister's.

Tuesday afternoon I had my doctor's appointment where we found out I was 4cm dilated. An hour later (around 5:30pm), while we ate dinner as a family at a local diner, my contractions started. Because of all of my false alarms I tried not to get my hopes up, but this definitely felt a little different than the contractions I'd had previously. Over the next couple of hours they were still semi-irregular but steadily growing stronger and closer together. We headed to the hospital around 9:30pm, my contractions remained painful but doable for a number of hours and progress was slow.

Around 2am there was a great shift in the heading of my labor. Sparing details, things started to progress very quickly and got much more intense within a very short period of time. My contractions were incredibly strong, much more so than any I experienced when laboring with Ava, and they were not subsiding in between peaks or giving me any break. After about two hours I had lost all energy to speak, squeeze hands or continue on in any manner. I remember telling Blair that I felt like I was going to pass out but I couldn't, my body wouldn't let me leave. I was incredibly hot, violently sick and utterly dashed when I realized I wouldn't be able to finish this without help.

Somehow they got me to sit up and I remember holding onto Blair's sweatshirt, sobbing and shaking as I got an epidural. Shock seems to be the word of the last few months for me and I was again bathed in it--at how my body handled the end of pregnancy and at how different this labor had been than what I'd expected and experienced before.

After the epidural my body calmed enough for them to check me. I was at 8cm at that point and know I reached 10cm by around 6am because of the pressure I felt. A little before 8am the doctor came back in to check me and instead found the head already visible and ready to make it's debut. I will say, though I was disappointed that I could not have my son naturally, there was a pleasant contrast to Ava's birth that surprised me as it happened. I only pushed two or three times but the whole event felt much slower and calmer than Ava's. I was able to be fully present for my son's entrance in the world, I cut the cord, even laughed a little. Though less intense, it was every bit as emotional and much more peaceful which was a welcome feeling after such an exhausting labor.

At the end of it all, with the sunrise I got to meet my beautiful son. I admit that even late in my pregnancy I had a much harder time bonding with the idea of this second addition, how he would continue to affect our family dynamic, as well as what it would be like to love another child and to raise a boy. Though different, bonding was still instant and fierce and continues to grow as I spend more time with this precious boy. Grayson Blair. I am so grateful for him and for what is to come as we grow into our roles as a family of four.