Super Salon

After 3 1/2 years, it was finally time for Ava's first trip to Supercuts, or as she called it, the Super Salon.  I've trimmed her hair a handful of times but in the name of our move and her first day of Preschool, we celebrated with a haircut that slightly less resembles a homespun snipping.  She wouldn't wear the cape and clung to me for the first few minutes but then decided she was having a blast!  She proudly toted her purple Supercuts balloon home and bragged to daddy about how brave she was.  Sigh.  I have a big girl!

Because she can.

My joy-filled girl.  Making a splash while we still live in a state full of puddles.

Grayson: 6 Months

* My pictures aren't uploading into iPhoto so they will have to follow in a separate post.

Despite my best attempts to hold time still, the little ones keep growing and growing!  Grayson has become quite the joyful, laid back little boy and is such a blessing to us.  Even through all of our traveling this month he has proven himself to be adaptable, sweet and a lover of activity.

At 6 months Grayson is:

• Sitting by himself, though not without close supervision.  I actually wrote that he was NOT sitting and then went to take some 6 month photos of him and he sat right up!
• Rolling like a mad man and even starting to put his knees up under himself in an attempt to crawl forward.
• Loving being read to and giggles when you sing Pat-a-Cake, Pony Boy or A Bushel and a Peck.
• Still swaddled and sucks on his paci to sleep (and goes down without a peep).
• Eating much better, though he is impatient, all business and wants to sit up while he nurses which makes feeding in public non-existent.
• He has also started biting me when he's done eating and then laughing when I jump in pain... A little bit cute but Lord help me when this boy gets teeth!
• Hasn't started solids though he's interested and ready.  I am waiting until after the move so I don't have to worry about it on the airplane!
• Wearing a smattering of 6-9 mos, 9 mos and 6-12 mos clothes and size 3 diapers.
• Weighs just over 17 lbs (his official appointment and weigh-in is scheduled for tomorrow).
• Grabbing at toys with more accuracy now and showing more determination to get to things that are out of reach.
• LOVES his big sister (and she loves him).  Ava frequently asks to play with him in his crib and will stay there for half an hour or more, jingling toys, giving him his pacifier and talking to him.
• Is just starting to be more clingy to mommy.
• Still doing very well on Prevacid with the occasional bad reflux day (especially after long car rides).

Schedule of the moment: 

   *Keep in mind I've been moving both kids schedules later in hopes of easing more smoothly into Arizona's time zone in September.  

Right now he is waking and nursing between 7:30 and 8am.  He eats every 4 hours around 8am, 12pm, 4pm and 8pm, is awake for about an hour after feeding and then  takes 3 naps ranging from 1-3 hours each (1 hour if he's having a cranky day but usually sleeps for 2-3 hours).  If he wakes up early I usually try giving him the pacifier first but if that doesn't soothe him he is usually easily pacified by stimulation (the opposite of his sister).  Either I leave him in his crib with something to look at (and often he will fall back to sleep), or if all else fails he will lay swaddled in the living room and happily watch the world go by until feeding time.

Last night, after I wrote this post and mentioned that he is still waking to eat around 11pm and 3am, he slept through the night for the first time!  We will see if this continues.  I have chosen not to worry about this nighttime feeding otherwise until after the move.

Postpartum Depression

Just two weeks before finding out that we would be moving across the country, I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression.

When Ava was born I didn't even have the typical two week baby blues.  I was elated and high on motherhood for months.  With Grayson however, I had a really hard time adjusting which turned into weeks and months of still not adjusting.  It took a long time for me to realize that this wasn't normal because I was getting so little sleep--3 or 4 hours a night for the first 3 months--I figured, of course I'm not enjoying life.

However, about a month ago it became more clear to me that what I was feeling wasn't typical.  Once I started getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night more consistently I was able to sort through my thoughts and emotions more clearly and realized that I still wasn't bonding with Grayson very well.  I had a hard time looking at a picture of the four of us and wrapping my head around it.  He was sweet and cute but somehow a little less mine than Ava was.  I felt disconnected and my whole pregnancy was a blur let alone the first 5 months of his life.  I attributed a lot of this to sleep deprivation but I would think about how old he was and get sad, like I had missed it.  I also haven't been able to enjoy Ava, have to force myself to play with her and get easily overwhelmed by her frequent outbursts.  I had begun to think that I wasn't made to have more than one child, or maybe even to have children at all.  I felt trapped and like I was constantly in survival mode, clawing my way out of a place where everybody needed me and I'd lost any hope of caring even for my simplest needs.

Depressed.

I hate the word and it depressed me to name it.  But, when I realized how completely these feelings were engulfing me and affecting my relationships with my kids and with Blair, I knew.  I looked up PPD online.  I had every one of the symptoms.  No!  I never thought.

I started on medication a few weeks ago and woke up throwing up the first night and was sick the whole next day.  I was lowered to half the dose and tolerated that fairly well after the first week of nausea and fatigue.  At this point we were days away from leaving for our trips to Arizona, Cape May and the Outer Banks so I chose to stay on this un-therapeutic dose in case my reaction to the full dose would again be ill-fated.  I am a few days into the full dose now though with, thankfully, only minor side effects.

I can't say I'm feeling 100% yet but I have hope.  Just knowing what I'm dealing with helps me to make more clear decisions about what I should be doing and feeling and to disregard my current tendencies (run away!).  I am beginning to bond more with both kids but it is still hard to feel that I've lost so much time.

I truly never thought I would suffer from this so it caught me off-guard and I waited so long to get treated.  I am praying the future is brighter and am so thankful for my loving and supportive husband and my God who redeems lost days!  I would never have chosen to feel this way going into such an overwhelming life change as we prepare to move.  But, I see God using this to show me how completely he can care for me when I am dependent on him.  It is by his grace only that I haven't totally lost my marbles.

Arizona

I would apologize for the lack of posts in the last few weeks but really, if there was ever a good reason to drop the ball, this would be it.

A few weeks ago Blair applied for a job as the Audio Engineer for Christ's Church of the Valley, a large church in Phoenix, Arizona.  Within two weeks a preliminary phone interview was scheduled, a Skype interview was had and Blair and I were flown out to meet the staff and see the church.  Needless to say, we were living in a state of disbelief at the quick succession of events, excited and a bit in denial about what this might mean for our family.

We scheduled our visit during the first weekend of our planned trip down to Cape May and Nags Head with our families.  Ava spent four days by herself at Mimi and Pappy's while Grayson, Blair and I hopped on a plane headed for Phoenix and it's 107 degree weather.  Honestly, the preparations happened so quickly it didn't really hit me what was happening until we were in the air, crossing over states I have never seen by foot, my daughter hundreds of miles away and my son screaming for a captive audience.  As we neared our destination, I got to see the plains of the midwest turn into desert and then beautiful, cracked mountains.  I watched the sun set and the dark deserted landscape turn into a vibrant city, lit, bustling and new.  I felt God begin to stir in my heart as I looked out and wondered if this could be home.

Then it hit.  The wall of heat.  We left the airport and it was as if someone had opened an oven in front of me that followed me wherever I went.  Walking to find the shuttle that would take us to our rental car was enough to warrant an extra bottle of water and a nap.

The next morning I awoke exhausted, Grayson had been awake for the day at 3:30am (since there is a 3 hour time difference) and we had a full day ahead.  I prayed for strength and that God would help me to be present for this impending whirlwind of a weekend, despite the tiredness, overwhelmedness and presence of a 5 month old who would be spending 99% of the time in his car seat and be dragged around in what feels to be the middle of the night.

That first day we met many of the staff and staff wives, visited the church for the first time and I got to spend a lot of time there while Blair was working.  It was overwhelming to say the least but not in the way I expected.  I hated the dry, dirt and brown of the city but the church was an oasis.  The campus was beautiful, inviting and I could easily see myself, my family, finding a home there.  That was overwhelming.  I thought, God, I have had an anxious sickness in my belly all day, driving on roads I don't know, past buildings and streets that I don't recognize, surrounded by people who don't know me.    I don't think I want to like it here.  I didn't realize how comfortable I had gotten in State College until I pictured myself in this alien city and felt that loss of familiarity and home.  I fought tears for much of the day but I felt God whispering in my heart, "Let go of what is comfortable because you aren't growing there.  I have plans for you here."  Stirring excitement intermingled with dread.

Every person we met made Blair and I feel so welcome, loved our son, asked about Ava and took time to get to know us.  In two days I felt we really could have friends there.  Blair and I left feeling like all of our expectations about the church, the job and the people were exceeded.  Exceeded.  That's hard to do when your standards for what would be worth moving across the country for are so high.  We came away feeling already invested in this place and feeling God's presence and movement there.

After a plane flight home on Monday and a wash and repack of four people's things, we left Tuesday morning for the first of our two vacations.  It was only by God's great planning that we'd be spending that time with so many of our extended family prior to a potential move.  We took it all in, and then on Friday, Blair was officially offered the position.

We told Ava first.  We were reeling at the decision and it's implications but explaining it to her centered us and united us as a family.

 "Will Nana and Papa be there?"

 "No, they will stay at their house and our new house will be pretty far away."

 "Will I be far away from Erin and Jon and Brayden and my best friend Ruthie?"  We marveled at her immediate insight into the part of this move that we were most worried about for her.

 "Yes, but we can still visit sometimes and talk on the computer with them."

 "Okay."

 "Ava, how do you feel about moving into a new house in a new place and leaving your room at home?"

 "Sad."

 "Did you know that we can take all of your things with us, even your furniture and your butterfly mobile?"

 Eyes lit up.  "We can?!  Even my butterflies can come?!"

 "Will there be new stuffed animal friends waiting for me when we get to the new house?!"

 "Uh, I think we can safely say YES, I'm sure there will be." :)

She was not thrilled when we told her that she would be taking an airplane ride to Arizona but after we showed her pictures of our flight she was sold.  To see the clouds from up above?  I'm there.

Fear of plane flight averted.

We showed her pictures of the church's beautiful campus, the kids building and the grassy area filled with balls and hoola hoops.  She was smitten.  We are expecting the move to be difficult for all of us but for now God has blessed us with relative ease.  Ava so easily goes with the flow that I think she will do pretty well until it's time to leave her by herself at sunday school or preschool.  One day at a time.

Since returning home from our vacations we have been faced with the reality of our next four weeks at home.  I packed the first boxes yesterday and my thoughts are filled with finding new doctors, transferring prescriptions and adjusting the kids schedules so the time change won't hit us all like a ton of bricks when we get there.  It is surreal, to say the least, but we are so thankful.

God's leading and presence in these last few weeks has been palpable.  The last couple of months have been some of the most difficult for me since we had kids but I have felt God caring for me even in this. The intricate ways that He prepared us, both Blair professionally and personally in his talents, desires and work, and for me, emotionally, stripping me down to a readiness to follow Him in His strength and not my own.  God has made a way for us to go, worked out details of finances, car buying, finding a preschool for Ava.  The list is endless.  We are so grateful for this opportunity and so in awe of how God intimately wove this into happening.

And in mid-September we go.  To a place where they have yards of rocks instead of grass.  To a city where God is working.

Grayson: 5 Months

This month has been full of changes!

Nursing

A couple of weeks ago Grayson decided he was too cool to nurse anymore.  After two days of barely eating I resorted to pumping and giving him bottles in hopes of salvaging my milk supply and his nutritional intake.  Seeing that he happily would take a full bottle, I did not heed my doctor's advice to make the trek to Danville again for an upper endoscopy and instead bared down and worked hard with Grayson for a few days at simply taking a full feeding.  The problem remains, he gets frustrated when the initial milk flow slows, but the screaming has lessened and with some persistence on my part he will take a whole feeding.  Thankfully, though feeding in public is now a near impossibility, he has continued to gain weight well.

Grayson is currently just over 16 lbs and has remained around the 40th percentile.  He is wearing a smattering of 6 mos, 9 mos and 6-12 mos clothes and just switched to size 3 diapers.

Schedule

We switched Grayson to a 4-hour schedule this month and he did so fairly seamlessly.  He is now feeding four times during the day, once in the late evening and then once in the middle of the night.  I made a solid effort to drop the middle of the night feeding but without success.  Since the switch he has been napping well, sleeping 2 1/2 - 3 hours in the morning and afternoon and 1-2 hours in the evening.  However, with the schedule switch he simultaneously came down with a fever that has yet to lift.  This could be behind the lengthy naps!

Doctor's Visits

For my own memory's sake, here is a more detailed account of the past weeks.  About two and a half weeks ago Grayson came down with a hoarse throat and later a fever.  His mood wasn't suffering so I didn't think much of it until it persisted and he became more fussy in the last two days.  Yesterday we went to the doctor and with no apparent reason for the fever, we spent the rest of the afternoon attempting twice to get a urine specimen from Grayson via catheter and getting blood work done.  So far all results have come back without alarm.  As if in protest to revisiting the doctor's office ever again, last night and this morning Grayson had no fever!  We are praying that it stays away, otherwise we will be sent back in for a third catheterization and chest x-ray.

Fun stuff

The kiddo is rolling over a lot more now and is in the unfortunate stage of waking from a nap, stuck on his belly!  He has also found his feet and successfully grabbed a dangling toy and brought it to his mouth for the first time this month.  Grayson loves to stand or be on the floor, rolling and playing freely and is less interested in being in his swing.  Though I'm sure he'll keep me busy, I can't wait until he can sit and crawl and is able to better control the movements that right now make him quite the flailing mess at times.  Ava was in no hurry to get any place but Grayson is definitely a mover trapped in an incapable body!

Sleep

Still swaddled.  Still with the paci.  Works like a dream.

Compare and Contrast

They are starting to look much more alike, my two kiddos!

Ava at 4 months

Grayson at 4 months

Grayson: 4 Months

Four months gone by in a blink of an eye.

• Grayson is beginning to giggle!
• He seems close to sitting and LOVES to stand on his feet.
• He is quite the little mover and loves to roll and do 360s on the floor.  Diaper changes are becoming more and more of an adventure.
• Is showing interest in holding toys but isn't able to hang on to them for long.
• Blows lots of bubbles and talks our ears off with oohs, ahhs, ows, ehs and ahems.
• Took his first long trip, down to the Philly area to see two of his great grandparents and lots of family.
• Before said trip he was napping relatively well, 4x a day for 1-2 hours each.  Since traveling he has been hardly napping and having a lot of reflux symptoms again but hopefully this will pass quickly.
• He is weighing in at 15 lbs on our home scale, the official reading from the doc is to come.
• Wearing size 2 diapers, size 3 at night.  Squeezing into his 3-6 month outfits but the 6 month ones are a little big.

Schedule of the moment:

6:30a     Wake and eat (switched to an hour earlier than before)

7:45a     Nap

9:30a     Eat

10:45a   Nap

12:30p   Eat

1:45p     Nap

3:30p     Eat

4:45p     Nap

6:30p     Eat

6:45p     Down for the night after a diaper change and lullabies (took away much of the awake time here in an attempt to lengthen his night)

9:00p     Prevacid

10:30p   Wake to feed and right back down

2:30a     His usual middle of the night feeding time

Photos of the 4-Month Old:

He sleeps.

Not every time I want him to but at least he's doing it.  Three and a half months later, he is finally sleeping soundly enough in his crib that I had an opportunity to showcase our boy at rest.

The Mr. must be swaddled and since his turning and rolling days began we've been slaves to this, a borrowed Woombie from Grayson's someday-best-friend Brayden.  An invaluable sleeping companion that we couldn't do without!  We have tried, and he can fall asleep with his hands swaddled up by his face, but when he wakes he has a difficult time falling back asleep while his arms are flailing endlessly.

He also still starts his sleeps with a pacifier but usually loses it shortly thereafter.

A week or two ago I started letting him cry more, now that I am confident his acid reflux is under control. After only a day or two he was sleeping so much better and much longer and was able to get himself back to sleep during most naps.  I am so proud of him!  He presently is suffering from his sister's cold so there is more crying and we've been giving into it more frequently, but I'm definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of constant holding.

That said, he is still not even close to sleeping through the night and I'm about at the end of my rope.  Currently I'm sleeping on the couch upstairs, closer to his room, and he's still waking every 2, 3 or 4 hours.  Occasionally we'll get a longer stretch and occasionally I can get him back to sleep without feeding him but regardless, it's an exhausting effort.  Moving him into his crib full-time and putting some distance between us at night was a good thing I think but I had high hopes that it would be the ticket to a good nights sleep.  Unfortunately we're still waiting on that.

In the meantime, I am thankfully he's at least sleeping well for some naps, getting himself to sleep and back to sleep sometimes and is in general a happy and alert boy when he's awake no matter how much sleep he's gotten.  Love the little dude.

Anyone remember my post about seeing his big pouty lips at our 20 week ultrasound?

"We got to see the baby swallow twice and got to see it move its arms and hands in real-time.  By far the most special moment for me was when the tech scanned the front of the baby's face (it was facing up as opposed to curled on it's side like Ava was) and I got an almost 3D looking view of it's hand over it's eyes, it's cute button nose and big pouty lips.  What a treasure!  I will cherish that moment from now until I get to kiss those lips in person!"

Ladies and gentlemen, there they are, and I'm the lucky girl that gets to kiss them.

S'mores

We've been trying to do some fun Ava-only activities when we can since she is still getting used to this big sister thing and is feeling a little neglected.  After dinner one night we decided, during a break in the summer thunderstorms, to make a fire in the fire pit, roast marshmallows and treat Ava to her very first s'more.

She was a little baffled by the whole thing at first and probably would have rather just dug right into the bag of marshmallows.  She wouldn't go anywhere near the fire so I roasted hers while daddy captured the whole thing on camera.

Her face says what she was thinking, "Mom, are you really going to let me eat that?!"  A rightful question for this mom of fruits and veggies.

Finishing this sweet sandwich is serious business.

Love this picture and sharing a special moment with my favorite girl.

Grayson: Three Months

I wish I could say life was a little less hectic around here but the truth is I've forfeited about ten household chores in the name of getting a quick blog post up while the kids are sleeping.  Only two days late... not too shabby.

Here is the rundown:

• We switched to Prevacid a few weeks ago and it is working!  He is such a happier little dude and I am a much less stressed out mommy.  It isn't hard now to make him smile and he has even let out a few little half-giggles.  Who knew there was such a happy boy trapped in that fussy body?
• Grayson is still not sleeping very well but we're working on it.  I am waiting until he's closer to 4 months old before we let him cry it out too much which means many hours of paci-in-paci-out while I give Ava a bath or make her lunch, and still a lot of 'Sorry Ava, I wish I could play but I have to hold your brother'.  He regularly sleeps for the first hour of his nap and then wakes and is usually unable to get back to sleep even while being held.
• A few days ago he rolled over from belly to back for the first time and is very close to rolling from back to belly.
• Still must be swaddled to sleep but has a couple of times fallen asleep unswaddled in his swing--something he would have NEVER done before the Prevacid.  However slow, we're making progress!
• He loves sucking on his hands when he's awake and they are free.
• Thankfully is now consistently sleeping between feedings at night, though he is still eating every 2 1/2 - 3 hours with the occasional longer stretch.
• He is quite the imitator of noises and faces and is so fun to 'play' with.  When I'm making silly noises and trying to get him to smile, without fail he will push out his lower lip and pout, I will imitate, and then he turns that pout into the biggest grin.
• Grayson is just moving to 3-6 month clothes and is able to wear a few of his 3 month and a few of his 6 month outfits.  He is also just moving up to size 2 in the Target brand diapers (they run big).

Schedule of the moment:

5:00am Feeding

6:30am Wake up

7:30am Feeding & awake time

8:45am Nap (wake at 9:45 for pacifier, holding, swinging, etc)

10:30am Feeding & awake time

11:45am Nap

1:30pm Feeding

2:45pm Nap

4:30pm Feeding

5:45pm Nap

6:30pm Wake him for Prevacid

7:00pm Inevitably feed him early

8:00pm Down for the night

10:00pm Wake him for feeding & then right back down

10:30pm - 5am Usually wake once or twice for a feeding

Some snapshots of the big, happy man:

38 Months with Ava

There have been a few new developments in Ava's little world since I posted about her last.

She is wearing panties for nap time!  Only a mother could headline with this news.  Though she has been potty trained for over a year, up until a few weeks ago she was still wetting her pull-up at both nap and bed times.  This big step is big news in our house!

Ava is going potty all by herself!  I am most proud of her newfound ability to get up in the morning, go to the bathroom by herself and get back in bed until her clock says she is allowed to wake up.

Whether out of desire or necessity, Ava has become quite the pro at solo play.  She is so fun to watch, her imagination is at it's peak and she will talk to herself and her toys for hours some days.

Despite her incredible memory and skills in speech and other areas, Ava has yet to master the alphabet.  She is actually quite uninterested, doesn't recognize most of her letters and I think she lies about the ones she does know just so I'll leave her alone about it.

Ava, my love, you are so sweet.  And stubborn!
You are just like your mama and you are quite the even match for me.
You love to rough house with daddy and play pretend with mommy.
You are encouraging, insightful, witty and full of fire.
Though it gives me a headache, I will do whatever it takes to make sure your firey little self never dims a bit.

Update On The Fussy Man

Here is my darling Grayson.

And here he is approximately 2 seconds later.

I wish I could say we were getting somewhere with his fussiness and acid reflux but that unfortunately isn't true.  And actually I might say the opposite is more accurate.  In the last two weeks Grayson has had very few good days and is now exclusively sleeping in either the swing or propped up on a Boppy pillow in his elevated crib.  With this change he is still waking shortly thereafter and is unable to get himself back to sleep, even while being held.  The poor little thing arches his back so much he won't relax in any position and remains that way until it is time to eat again.  Of course there are exceptions to this but this is the norm and he is sleeping far less than he needs.

Last night we finally received the call that his Prevacid prescription was approved by the insurance company and he got his first dose before bed.  The doctor said it can take up to 2 weeks before we see any real improvement but I am banking on it being sooner!  My poor man is miserable and we are exhausted.

I cannot wait to see if this medication change is the relief we've been waiting for.  I anxiously await the day when Grayson can spend most of his day sleeping, not scream when he's done eating, or burping or spitting up or supposed to be sleeping, and when we can again get into a routine of crib sleep and sharpening his self-soothing skills.  Of course I am also looking forward to the day when he will sleep through the night!  We are both yearning for it, I know.  He has twice done a 6 hour stretch but in general is sticking to two 4-hour stretches or something close.  And my goodness I long to see more of those precious smiles.  Be still my heart.

Acid Reflux

On Monday morning, with the company of my friend Erin, Grayson and I made the early morning trek to Geisinger Medical Center in Danville, PA for his appointment with a pediatric Gastroenterologist.

Thankfully, we left with a pretty certain diagnosis and treatment plan for Grayson's "extreme fussiness" (who knew this condition actually has it's own diagnosis code).  The NP we saw was fairly certain Grayson does not have a sensitivity to milk or soy in my diet (relief!) but is sure that he has acid reflux that is not well controlled with the Zantac that he's been frequenting.

In the last two weeks Grayson's fussiness has hit a new high and he spends many hours a day either inconsolably crying or whimpering, even while being held.  His eating schedule has remained fixed but his sleeping schedule is out the window for now.  The poor little man can't keep himself asleep even while swaddled and sucking in the swing or in our arms.  It's heartbreaking, to say the least, to watch him arch his rigid body while he cries a cry as if he's just broken a limb.  We are thankful for a game plan and praying that it produces some happier results for our Grayson.

The plan is to switch his dose of Zantac first from 2mL twice a day to 1mL three times a day, until his new prescription is available.  Once the insurance authorizes the switch, he will be put on Prevacid tablets to hopefully (within about two weeks) more potently squelch the acid situation.  With that, we've been advised to add rice cereal to his bottles, give him Maalox or Mylanta and a Probiotic, as well as elevate his crib and hold him upright for at least 30 minutes after each feeding.

Grayson is also scheduled for an Upper G.I. Series next Thursday to make sure we aren't missing anything anatomically that might be contributing to his discomfort.  Though I'm not expecting anything to come of this (he really isn't a huge spitter despite his other symptoms), I will be glad to be thorough.

I hope in a couple of weeks I can report back with better news!

Grayson's Photo Shoot With Maryn Lee Photography

My dear dear friend Maryn agreed to come visit us once again and take some beautiful pictures of me and my kiddos.  Unfortunately Blair had to work but she did an amazing job capturing our smiles even while all three of us were due for a nap!  I am so grateful for these photos of the (mostly) completed nursery and my sweet babies.  Thank you Maryn!

Here are some of my favorites from our photo shoot.  Visit her website for more photos!

Two Months with Grayson

At two months, Grayson is:

• Smiling!  The first one was on March 31st at 5 1/2 weeks old.
• Doing some 4-hour stretches at night but still generally eating every 3 hours around the clock.
• Often waking at night in between feedings to cry about some type of discomfort, be it to spit up, poop, have a stuffy nose or 'just because'.
• Definitely suffering from acid reflux, a truth we came to after trying to stop his Zantac.  He is still on the fussy side (some days more than others) but it is improving with time and meds.  He does now have more time awake that is happy than fussy I'd say (as opposed to all fussy a few weeks ago).
• Spending some days still fussing and barely sleeping, though he is now able to get himself to sleep after a short stint of crying in his crib (at least for the first couple of naps during the day).  Later in the day he is more likely to be found fussing in his swing while tightly swaddled with a pacifier in his mouth but.. progress is progress.
• Still waking after about an hour into each nap (if he falls asleep at all), sometimes able to get himself back to sleep but most of the time needing help.
• In love with his pacifier--a love that I try to keep absent unless necessary.  When he is relatively happy he's been found sucking on the top of his swaddling blanket in lieu of his paci which is a welcome trade (except for the laundry that ensues after the tops of his blankets feel like they've been heavily starched).
• Needing to be swaddled to sleep.
• Loving being around people when he is awake.  He gets lonely easily and will often fuss until someone comes to talk to him, then he'll smile and coo and then immediately fuss again when left alone.
• Showing off the cutest little bottom lip pout you've ever seen.
• Much more aware of his surroundings, the presence of people and familiar noises.
• Eating and gaining well and has been around the 45th percentile for weight.
• Getting a bottle from Daddy a couple times a week, the first of which was given around 3 weeks.
• Wearing 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers since around 6 weeks.
• Loved beyond measure!

I still feel like many days are about getting through the two-kid routine and little more, but slowly we are making it!  I am truly just in a holding pattern until he starts sleeping more at night so I can feel human again.  Ava is a little mommy, loves giving Grayson his paci and encouraging him in his first smile, first time holding a toy or turning his head.  We try to make it out of the house as often as we can and thankfully Grayson is still pretty laid back about the change of scenery mid-nap and loves the car.  With the warmer weather we are feeling slightly less cooped up at home and are looking forward to the summertime!

An Interview with 3-Year Old Ava

When are you (or have you been) most afraid?  When the doctor picked the plaque off my teeth at the dentist.  That wasn't good.

What is the one thing you could not live without?  Mommy and Daddy!

What is your favorite movie?  Cars (A movie she hasn't actually seen but wants to).

What cartoon character would you most like to be and why?  Bob the Builder because I want to have a construction hat on.

What is the best thing about being 3 years old?  Eating cake!

What job would you like to have when you grow up?  I want to do sound engineer like Daddy does.

Who are your best friends?  Ruthie, Brayden, Jon and Erin.
     Why?  Because they are the only friends I know!


Questions about Mommy:

What does Mommy always say to you?  "Come here" and "Break the rules" and stuff like that.

What makes Mommy happy?  Obeying.

What makes Mommy sad?  Breaking the rules.

How old is Mommy?  Three.

How tall is Mommy?  Taller than I!

What is Mommy's favorite thing to do?  Hug and sleep.

What does Mommy do when you're not around?  Cry.

What is Mommy really good at?  Exercising.

What is Mommy really bad at?  Nothing!

What is Mommy's favorite food?  Strawberries and shortcake.

How do you know your Mommy loves you?  Hugging and kissing!

Where is Mommy's favorite place to go?  Target and Walmart.


Questions about Daddy:

What does Daddy always say to you?  "I love you" and "Thank you" and "You're welcome".

What does Daddy do that makes you laugh?  Tickle me.

What makes Daddy happy?  Obeying the rules.

What makes Daddy sad?  When he falls and when he gets bloody noses.

What does Daddy do when you're not around?  Talks to us on the camera on the computer.

What is Daddy really good at?  Exercising.

What is Daddy's favorite food?  Frosted flakes.

How do you know your Daddy loves you?  By snuggling and hugging and tickling.

Where is Daddy's favorite place to go?  Work and studio and Penn State.

Compare and Contrast

I have been enjoying looking at Ava's past pictures and comparing our two babies.  I find they look more different than they do alike, Ava much more like the Drake side of the family and Grayson much more like a Darby, but every so often we catch a moment where they look like twins!  What fun with two...

Here is Grayson at 6 weeks and Ava at 9 weeks.

Time Out

We've been taking a lot of those around here.  Time outs, room time, rest time, charts of pluses and minuses, rewards and punishments.  It seems our house has become a horrible episode of Supernanny without much of the super (or the nanny which might make all of this much easier).

I write this post for two reasons.  One, I would like (hope) to in a year from now look back and chuckle at these tough days as I sip my iced tea on the porch and watch my daughter come inside when I ask her to the first time and not speak to me as if the age of thirteen came ten years early.  And two, I want to grow in the area of time outs myself--taking time out of this chaotic life of mine to gain some perspective, remember why I love my children and love(d) being a mom, and to simply breathe in a little quiet.

I naively thought that consistency in the area of discipline would be enough to raise a perfectly well behaved child.  And to be fair, Ava is very well behaved when we are outside the home.  But inside, she has figured out that I can't make her do much of anything anymore and in the name of independence and stubbornness she will forfeit rewards and welcome punishment (until it is actually upon her) in order to exercise her right to disobey and disrespect and demand.

Thankfully, I was once a horribly stubborn child myself and I know it gets better.  Ha!  Unfortunately I know it will also take some time and a whole lot more patience than I have within me naturally.  I may not have a supernanny in my home but I have a supernatural power within me that is Christ, thankfully feeding me more grace than I deserve and reminding me to offer it to my kids too.

I will admit my three-year-old has made me cry, I've made her cry, and I've sat next to the running dishwasher while both kids screamed in their rooms just to get a break.  This, I've decided, is what it's like to have young children.  It's a lot less blissful than I imagined and I've also realized it's okay not to like my job every day.  But, I can take a time out, and remember that God has called me to this super-work and has promised to give me the tools to grow my children faithfully.  I can remember the sweet moments during the day, the snuggling before bedtime, the pride I have when watching Ava play so well with other kids or when Grayson gets himself to sleep.  I can also choose to take a breath, remember that this won't last forever, and enjoy as much of it as possible.

Ava Turns Three

At each milestone I am in awe of how much my baby girl has grown and changed since the last and this birthday was no exception.  Being able to hold up her three years against her brother's three weeks was an especially eye opening, grounding, and gratefulness-inducing celebration.  I am so proud of who Ava is becoming and the firey, outgoing, caring, witty and sharp little girl that she already is.

Despite the exhaustion and limitations overtaking our lives these days, we did our best to make Ava's third birthday a very special day.  After breakfast we took Ava out to the driveway and with plenty of hurrah we presented her with her very first bike, fit with training wheels.  Pink, purple, hearts all over it, and a bike helmet doused in flowers and lady bugs--needless to say she was beside herself!  It was everything we had hoped for, watching her light up and jump with excitement, and what a joy to watch her slowly take her first ride and gain confidence with each pedal push.

Blair had to work for most of the day so I told Ava she could pick anything she wanted for her birthday dinner with me.  She chose 'Cars' mac & cheese with just about every fruit and vegetable in our fridge and strawberry greek yogurt for dipping.  Love her!

At three years old, Ava:

• Is insightful well beyond her three years.
• Always asking questions and soaking in vocabulary and explanation.
• Potty-trained by day (except when she decides to act out in response to a certain little brother's presence) and wearing pull-ups at nap and bedtime.
• Weighs 36 1/2 lbs and is about 38 inches tall, still in the upper percentiles for both.
• Between sizes 4 and 5T, size 9 shoes
• Makes us laugh every day with her ingenuity, creativity and wit.  At her 3-year doctor's appointment the doctor asked her to draw a circle.  She picked up the pen, drew half of a circle and said, "That's all I can do", then proceeded to add two dots and said, "Hey! It's a smiley face!"
• Loves learning about sports and is especially interested in gymnastics and baseball.
• Has one favorite activity: rough housing with daddy!  Other favorites include playing outside, listening to music and singing along, being read to, caring for her babies and animals, and in general using her toys and household items for uses other than what they are meant for (i.e. one could regularly find her 'skiing' down the hall with wash cloths on her feet and two fly swatters in her hands).
• Also loves pretending she is a baby (since Grayson was born), complete with pacifier and whine.
• Favorite music: Audrey Assad
• Favorite books: Berenstain Bears
• Favorite color: Purple
• Is by far the most outgoing three-year-old we've ever met!  She loves to talk to everyone she sees, including strangers (thankfully she's still young enough to always have us with her).  She is a surprisingly good and thoughtful question asker and I love watching her gregarious nature light up every space she sets foot in.
• Has fully embraced her duty to test boundaries and drive mommy bonkers.
• Still has the sweetest most caring little heart, an amazing awareness of emotion and what's going on around her and an overall personality that we can't get enough of.

Two days later we had her birthday party--a small affair with just a few family members, but Ava couldn't have been more happy to share her big day with her cousin and best friends.

The highlight of the party was definitely playing outside with the tee-ball set and trampoline Ava got from Mimi and Pappy.

Granddad brought a beautiful cake, outfitted in the color of the day--purple!

 We are so grateful to everyone who made that day so special and memorable for Ava!